Assassination Mode On

Last night was a "nightmare". I thought I had settled it really nicely with the mail reply I wrote. But it seems I would always get disappointed with such themes.

I happily left work yesterday, proud of myself for giving a good reply. Good reply as in, something non-offending, putting things across as straight-forward as possible, without sugar-coating my words saying things just for the sake of saying them. Such as "oh you're a nice guy but...", "i wish i can give you a chance but...". All these talk is worthless in my opinion. It doesn't even matter. So I'm still open to the invitation of being friends.

He logged into game and asked if he could have a talk with me. Fine, we talked and I wondered what else he didn't understand. But it escalated into crazy, stupid theories / assumptions of how I was afraid of him, afraid of entering a relationship, how I lied that looks don't matter but it does, how I just view him as a bypasser in my life, how he would not give up, how we can be friends first then see if we can proceed further from there. I wonder what is the point, the last thing I wanna do is give someone false hopes and lead him on. And he tells me he rather have hope and try rather than no hope at all. *roll eyes* okie, I've heard these many times, I'm just not gonna fall for it this time again. So no. And again in my opinion, better to end things fast than slow and draggish. (I guess this is one of my guy-ish traits again. Someone who can be so cold and heartless.)

I got really pissed off when here I am being direct, straight to the point, and this fella is assuming there is something more to everything I said. It felt like someone putting his hands to his ears and going on and on without listening to a word I say. I asked why did he write in Chinese, he said he could express himself better. Right, I understand that, just like I feel I can express myself better in English. So I asked if he wanted to type in Chinese instead, I can read. But he refused, and the whole time we were like this chicken and duck talking. 90% of the time, I couldn't even understand what the hell he was saying, and why he was saying those. It was utterly frustrating.

Eventually I had it. I lied that I liked someone else. Then he goes on to ask if that person knows. (omfg) I said I have a bad temper when he asked if I have cooled down. Then he goes on to say "Leos are like that." My goodness, why was he so presumptuous about me? He made it sound like he knew me very well. Even my family and best friends only know certain sides of me, who is he to assume he knows me?

All these talk while I was trying to dance, and my girl friend trying to flirt with one of my guy friends, right infront of my nose. (As usual, I should be used to it by now. But it never fails to make me feel awkward. I still don't get why people do that infront of me. Trying to prove something? Or it was just such an innate behaviour to flirt with every single guy they know?) Well, I had quite enough for the night, so I told him that we just didn't understand each other. With that, he finally understood. (wow, was that some magical line or wat?) I said my goodbyes to him, he told me "God bless you." I said the same to him and he said "no need, hell better for me." (See? That is what I meant by saying things for the sake of saying them.) So I told him neither do I need it. I know, such a blasphemy from me, but if he doesn't need my sincere blessings, why should I need his? I can live very well without them. =\ By this time, I'm already trying very hard to refrain from tearing or breaking something.

So there, as another friend would put it, I'm back to my "killing" ways, assassination mode. These people should be more grateful that my killing methods are clean, straightforward and direct. I hope they appreciate it.

P.S. that fella's FB acct have like hundreds of female friends, and all that bs about being first gf? Try harder. =x