Why do I exist in this world?

Its been quite long since I've updated this blog (or at least that's how it felt like to me, AGES =.=) Somehow with all the "non-human" hours I've put into my work and job for the past few days / weeks, I'm beginning to feel is it all even worth it. It'll be nice if there is some recognition or support or encouragement from boss or even fellow colleagues, but these are not only not forth-coming, I'll be counting my lucky stars if I do not have to face pple who criticize this and that of me or my work.

Almost 12 hours everyday without fail, sacrificing weekends to work as a "promoter" of my co's products when my job scope is not even sales (for goodness' sakes, I actually work in a very different occupation as compared to sales), I'm beginning to think where is my own personal life? Why am I putting so much effort into working so hard? I know the recession and economy is at an all-time low now, thousands of people have lost their jobs. Yet, sometimes deep inside of me, I actually wished I can be jobless, so that I can have some free time to myself, to regain whatever health I've lost because of work, to gain happiness or just simply do things that I would like to. I think I need to "force" myself to take a break. 4+ years without a proper break perhaps is really breaking me (no pun intended! XD)

Since last week, there was this woman at work from this other department who called me up to ask me to do this and that. Initially, since I was still pretty new in this company, I thought my job scope included having to help her with her requirements. But to my shock, I actually found out from other "old-bird" colleagues that this woman should have a TEAM of pple who are supposed to support such requirements from staff in her department. Whereas in my dept, I support my other colleagues in my dept, and I don't have a TEAM of pple to work with, it's only me, myself and I (1-woman show all the time, don't even think about my boss helping me, dun get scolding from him is already good enough). I must admit sometimes I get external-dept requests, which of cos I obliged. But also, it depends on my schedule and the actual request.

I've actually done what this woman wanted, and boy I must say she is pretty damn greedy. "EVERYTHING" also want... ok fine, I give what I could since I'm sure more information is useful for her. I even went the extra mile to include OTHER information which she initially didn't request for, but I've included them because I think they might be good reference for her. But I think it is really the last straw when she starts questioning why I was not able to obtain certain other data for her, and stubbornly / disrespectfully insists that it is impossible that I do not have the data, even after I've tried to explain the reasons to her. After going thru such pains to extract the data, write-up a lengthy email to explain the findings to her.... and all I get in return is not even a word of thanks, but unreasonable "why cannot this! why cannot that!" I just feel like jolly-well telling her in the face, "Look, if you think you can do it better than me, why don't you do it yourself?"

In the first place was I even supposed to oblige to her requests? If I start doing that for every other dept in my co, I think I'll just die. (The co is huge, easily the largest sg co.) For someone who does not take the effort to read my emails, or try to understand where I'm coming from, why should I recipocate? She even went off on the phone earlier "Then why does your boss tell me you will be able to do this?" Gees, it is a reality of life that most likely, my boss will not know how to do what I do either. What makes her think that my boss is 100% right? If I say I can't do it and have no ways of finding a way to, then it is true. Why do people disbelieve me? What have I got to gain from hiding certain information from her? If I had a choice, I rather have access to all these and just shut her off from her unreasonable attitude. I hope she just bugs off and leave me alone from now onwards and hopes she knows her place from now on. If she uses my boss's name again to put pressure on me, then so be it. Even if I receive complains from her to my team lead, director, VP etc, so be it. I believe in cases like these, I have no choice but to fend myself. I think I owe myself at least this much when most other times, I'm "abusing" myself to no end.

Sometimes I get too emo and start asking myself, "work so hard for what? live until so painfully for?" Which is true and sometimes helps to put back perspective in my life. If I end up working 12 hours a day, go home, barely get to spend sometime to relax myself, sleep and wake up early to go to work the next day, then I'm just behaving like a robot/machine. I know some pple will tell me don't be silly, the reason I'm working so hard is for my future. But honestly, there are so many unknowns in this world, for all you know the person might cease to exist tomorrow. Then wouldn't the life gone thru be such a regret? Of cos, when you face happy moments in your life, one might think that everything else that he/she had to go through to reach that stage was worth it. So I think the answer to the question in the title is to go through all the wonderful journeys of life and enjoy the happiness with loved ones. To do that, we inevitably need money in this world. So maybe it is just striking a balance between the means to earn money(job), the money earned and the time for family/friends/personal commitments. When would be sacrificing too much?