It's official...

Didn't go to work today as I felt so "sick" and tired.... (although I was not running a fever or having some flu.) Ended up sms-ing my boss at 7:30am and went back to bed. But I know I didn't sleep well the entire night, until the last few hours before 11am. Then I hurridly went to visit the doc before they are closed for the morning.

It was quite awkward, the doctor had 2 other female medical students observing him today in the consultation. I told him that I had a very bad migraine last night, felt giddy and felt like vomiting. I also told him that I was very very tired, because I worked very long hours for the past few days, to the extend that last night I thought I could just collapse in the office and die and nobody would know. The doc suddenly started talking to me like a friend, and he put it in a very nice way that I was suffering from anxiety. It could be triggered by unhappiness or being "kan cheong" at work. He said I needed to lower my expectations. We had a long talk, he tried to understand if I had any leave to take, and what I would do during those free time. He gave me many suggestions, which I thought maybe a doc wouldn't be saying. He told me to catch a movie, do some window-shopping, relax myself over the next few days.

He asked if I ever felt like crying, or ever felt fed-up or just felt like dying. Which reminded me that I asked myself why I existed just a day ago. All along my eyes felt a little wet but i tried not to let my tears roll. But I just couldn't understand why after hearing him ask if I ever felt like dying, my tears just "flushed out" uncontrollably. I felt extremely embarrassed because there were 2 medical female students there observing us. (at least I should be thankful they're not guys?) I was glad the doc was so patient with me today as he offered me tissue and continued talking to me while I was busy trying to wipe my eyes.

Anyways, after everything that he had said, it finally dawned on me that it was depression again. It was just he didn't use that word infront of me. He tried to encourage me and said it is just a medical condition which can be cured with medication. He told me many people have been able to get well / better and he believe I can get better. I did tell him I had depression for quite a long while during my teens. He said he strongly believes if I could get over it then, I can do it again now. I could see he was sincere about it. He was insistent that I should take 2 days mc, have a good break for these 2 days and over the weekend. Although I told him that I need to go back to the office tomorrow to complete some work for other colleagues dependent on me. Maybe I'll try to complete those work as soon as possible in the morning and continue to take the rest of the day on mc (i.e. if my boss doesn't scream at me).

I felt time passed very fast today... slept for a very long time during the afternoon to late evening. I just took the medication for depression. I guess I'll sleep early tonight, still gotta go work tomorrow. I hope I don't get laughed at for being so emo or overly personal on this blog. As much as I like to be talking about fun, otaku-ish things... eventually, this blog is a personal avenue for me to write about my feelings so I don't feel cooped up inside. Which at this point of time, is rather important for me.