Gender and the Tomboy

Went totally off-topic below, while writing about something else. For those who do not mind reading my rantings of childhood/family, or me just talking about me, me and more me (so self-centred and ego lol!) Enter at yr own risk! XD

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Even though the family is a typical traditional one, where males are usually more pampered because they carry on the family surname, even though since young there has been constant biased-ness and extra care & concern shown to my brother instead of me, I don't blame her at all. It is not the fault of people of her generation. They were educated to believe/behave this way... and as for me myself? I just had to accept the harsh realities of life, bite my lips and move on. Sometimes my family tease me for being such a fierce person. But I guess many a times they do not realise the reason behind it.

I'm the youngest and a girl in the family, where usually there is no right to anything in a traditional chinese family. As people would oftenly put, "daughters are like water thrown away". For all these years, I had to "strive" and "stand up", to make them pay attention to my opinions or notice me. I've never had good things coming my way, not as easy as my bro does. Most of the time I actually had to "fight" or argue for my rights at home. I guess that actually caused me to be who I am today.... I'm a "fighter" and I always will be one. Whenever I get bullied or repressed, I'll just turn into this rebellious, defensive brat, just to shelter/protect myself. It is in my instincts to do so, of cos I did not deliberately want to be like this. But I find it is necessary for me to survive, to deflect all the ridiculous notions of others forcing their opinions onto me.

(E.g. I find it EXTREMELY annoying, when my mum calls me up during working hours to ask me about trivial stuffs, and then she makes the excuse she's not disturbing bro because he is a very busy man, meeting lawyers and top executives. God.... I know I'm not as highly-paid as my bro, but please... my job is a job too. It doesn't necessarily mean just because I'm female, I have a easier time at work. Even if I get home earlier than bro, it doesn't mean I had to work any lesser. It is a completely subjective issue isn't it? Work can mean anything to anyone, however they think it.)

Sometimes I wonder if I'll be so much better off if I'm just a guy. I would get the same amount of attention and care from my family because then there would be 2 boys to continue the family surname. (and usually the younger boy seems to be more spoilt lol!)

My character has always been more guy-ish than girly. I don't like to go shopping (rare to find girls who don't?) and don't really care about fashion. In the family, opposite to usual norms, I'm the techie engineer... always getting relatives asking me about electronic/computer/programming stuffs and my bro is into business / finance. (usually the girls are into business/finance/accountancy, and guys engineering.)

I'm the "Otaku" who's into Jap anime/manga, gaming, gundams, Onitsuka Tiger sneakers and what-nots. (In the past when these Jap culture are not that common and popular amongst girls yet, I get hard stares from guys just by walking into a shop selling Japanese manga.) I have a big hearty non-picky appetite, comparable to many guys (girls nowadays eat like little birds =.=)

I play SEGA and Nintendo consoles with my cousins when I was a kid. I do play my barbie dolls too but I enjoy gaming muchhhhhh more than dolls. I get into physical fights with my bro, never giving up just because of my gender or that it is nature that made it the way females are physically weaker than males. I'm the J-rocker who's into all that male-dominated band-jamming at studios and listening to "noisy" rock music. (Brother used to blast all his heavy metal music at home, until I know all those Metallica songs by heart. If you cannot beat em, join em! XD) Ninja Turtles, Transformers, He-man... Ok, you get my point. Logically I seem so much more like a guy than a girl. If I were to have a collection, it would be more of Gundam figurines/robots, as compared to bro's collection of teddy bears.

I know there are some guys out there who are surprised when they realise there is a woman who actually may know more IT stuff than they do. There was once my bro wanted to buy a new laptop at the IT fair. He dragged me along to help him choose one. Ended up I was firing qns to the salesmen which they just do not expect a girl to ask / know. They had this look of shock in their face. My bro is a person with very high expectations, and he commended me on that laptop-buying trip. He admitted that if he were there all alone, he would not know what to ask, and what to look out for. He was glad I was there to find out all these for him and made him realise certain aspects of a laptop which did not cross his mind. I just find it funny when pple try to throw me off with very simple, basic or unrelated explanations to the laptops they are trying to sell, and expect me to buy those answers. =p Naughty me... I feel aloof because pple stereotype girls, that they don't know anything much about IT. It is this "looking-down" attitude which will only bring up the "eat-yr-hearts-out guys, I know more about IT than YOU!" feelings in me. See, I'm rebellious! Oops.... =x

A few years ago my graphic card went dead and I actually did my own research and tried to send it for repairs. Before that I exchanged a few messages with the IT-in-charge guy to discuss further about repairations and troubleshooting. When I brought the card in for repairs, he actually asked me in my face, how did I know all those things that I knew? I said I'm in the IT line too. But he went on saying "Usually no girls know so much about these computer / graphic card things and terms." Maybe I'm supposed to feel flattered, since I fall into the category of "unusual girl". Or maybe I'm just a guy in a girl's body............ O.O

Hey, my bro used to comment IF I were a guy, I would have melted many-a-girls' hearts with those dimples (Jimmy Lin anyone?). Funnily, more than half of me agrees what my bro said is true! Haha... sheesh, is it too late for me to have a gender-change in Thailand now? XD But if I were to be a guy, I would not like the typical cute, sweet girls that usually guys go for. A girl would have to be as suave as a Nana-type for me to be attracted to her. No whiny voices, no throwing of silly girly tempers, no frilly revealing dresses. The "cutest" girl which I probably can stand is the Kagari-type. The princessy, missy Lux-type turns me off tremendously. Maybe it is this part of me which is preventing myself from becoming a butch, because I can't see myself doing stupid things for a pretty, cute, sweet girl, nor dress up like a guy just to do so.

It is funny how a person's sexuality and gender can affect a person so much. Have you ever wondered what if you're a member of the opposite sex? How would you and your character turn out to be?