Last Thursday (16th), I woke up feeling slightly feverish... So I decided to take MC from work that day and made my work to see the doc at about 915am. By the time the visit was done, I think it was about maybe half an hour later. Knowing I wouldn't have any food to eat at home, I conveniently went to the NTUC nearby the clinic to buy some food.
Got stopped on the way by a guy who approached me to donate for a President's Charity Flag Day. I was in a rather good mood that day, so I decided to stop and donate. (Hmm, actually the guy is quite cute lah lol!) I reached out to take 1 "flag sticker", but that one got stuck on another sticker.... I ended up pulling 2 off the can at the same time! The donation guy kinda shrugged it off and said its ok if I took 2..... but I separated them and pasted 1 back on his can. Hey, afterall, 1 more sticker could mean more donation money coming in right? Every little bit counts.
At NTUC, I ended up getting raisin buns, Nutella and Pokka Blood Orange juice drink..... I know somehow, the idea of eating these 3 things at the same time is kinda weird^^ Then made my drive back home (managed to borrow vehicle that morning cos bro was flying off to Hong Kong.) Not long after I've reached home, my mum called me on my mobile and said my popo had left us. It was not unexpected, afterall she had been in and out of hospital so often nowadays. And the week before, my mum actually told the rest of my family, that popo most likely could not make it any longer. And that was gonna "clash" because my bro is getting married 2 months down the road.
As usual, I didn't know what to say to my mum when she told me that. She sounded ok over the phone, I guess it is because all her other siblings (my uncles n aunts) were there with her at the hospital. She was not alone.... and I kinda hope and pray popo managed to see all of them, was contented and happy enough before she passed on. I asked mum if they needed me to come over to the hospital but she just told me to stay at home. (Maybe she didn't want me to be reminded of that horrible hospital scene again after a 12-year break.) After hanging up the phone with my mum, (she said she will be staying on in the hospital with the rest to take care of all the after-matters), I went back to my room and soon started crying. I guess death is really something which will still hit me no matter how young I've started experiencing it. 12 years ago it was my Dad, and this was the second time in my life I've experienced the loss of another loved one. I'm sure nothing can really prepare me for this kinda happenings, unless I'm like way in my mid or old age and everyone I know starts to leave one-by-one.
I felt a little odd, probably from being stunned or shellshocked. And yet guilty at the same time for working and doing nothing but work all day long. I haven't seen popo since CNY, at that time, her health already seemed very weak. All of a sudden, her blood sugar level dropped drastically 2 weeks ago and she had to be sent to the hospital. The only thing which I was thankful for, were that actually my uncles, aunties and mum planned to visit Hainan island on Saturday. Therefore my uncle (who was the eldest son) and angmoh aunt-in-law actually came back to S'pore, before they embark on their planned trip to China. And precisely it was because of that, it was rather timely at least my popo passed on while they were around (my uncle could send her off properly). And it was comforting enough for me to know that popo left without much pain and suffering. She never woke up from the low blood sugar 2 weeks ago and on that fateful morning, her heartbeat just went slower and softer until it stopped.
The past week had been rather weird, somber, weak and yet helpless. Had to explain to my sickening boss and director that I could not attend some office event on Friday evening, because I had to rush to my grandmother's wake. My new co is so giam, give only 1 day of compassionate leave for demise of grandparents and yet I have to prove it with a copy of the death certificate. My previous co used to give us 3 days, without any questions asked, much less the copy. And I finally realised nobody in this new co gives a damn, or are generous / thoughtful enough to help collect "white gold" or made an effort to deliver flowers for popo's wake. This co sux in terms of the people, who were supposedly more educated, earns more money and much closer to being Singaporean since there were not many foreigners as staff. Sigh, the days of the wake were also filled with awkward-ness of having "long-time-no-see" people popping up, dirty-looks casted by outsiders when I could not write their chinese names on the attendance list and also feelings of unfairness when this and that relative didn't contribute much to the wake.
Bro who flew to Hong Kong for a biz trip that morning, was only able to reach back in SG on the last night of the wake. And due to the "pan tang-ness" (superstitiousness) of my family, he should not attend the final funeral procession because he's getting married in June. Since he wasn't able to make it for most of the days of the wake, he stayed on the final night from about 11pm to 5am. The latest I stayed on was about 2am, hope my grandma forgives me as I was not keen to stay out so late at the HDB void deck (there were quite alot of construction workers and young punks in that area in Woodlands.)
The procession day was an emotional one, which I didn't expect it to be. It was especially emotional during the final moments we were given to see her, before they close-up and seal the coffin. My uncles, aunties, mum and cousins who all seemed alright for the past few days finally showed their tears. Somehow I couldn't stop recalling my memories of her and grandfather while they were still alive, and how they took such great care of me when I was still a toddler. It was unbearable, and I too cried uncontrollably.
I tried to console myself further on reaching the burial site, by thinking that my grandfather's remains were also at the same Choa Chu Kang cemetery. We threw flowers and sand from the ground onto the coffin. It was my first time doing that and I certainly hope I won't get to do that again. The ceremony was very short and rushed (only half an hour) because the monk had to rush off to another ceremony on his schedule. Weird thing was, we never got to witness the entire coffin covered with sand. I wonder how good a job the casket people would have done, without us being there. True, the monk had to rush off but we could have stayed on longer just to make sure things went right, right? We met with another group of people who were gathered at just 2 spots away and gave each other polite kind nods to each other. Afterall, our loved ones were going to be "neighbours". I told myself that I had to buy one of those paper Mahjong sets / table which I could burn for her, because my popo loved playing mahjong, especially with her friends. Even though popo is not the grandmother who's living with me under the same roof, but nevertheless, still a grandmother to me and nothing less.
I will love and miss you dearly popo...... these flowers were dedicated to you, from the other half of our family.
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