I wanna be "TBAW"

Ouch! Naw.... don't want anything to be tearing up my heart! lol, new song added because Stella said my music is too rock for her! Ironically, my msn nick states "Emo, I need some rock." So there, a song from HighStreet5, but I chose an old song which I always enjoyed listening and singing my lungs out to, in the emo, "gek"-faced expression. Drama mama! =p Afternote: Wasn't able to upload the N'sync song! :( Hopefully can upload when I get home. The most probably "thing" that would cause me to tear my heart up now in my life would only be work and some sickening peeps in the office. Never fails to get me wondering, if I should do a dangerous move, such as quitting the job and start looking elsewhere without a backup.

So recently I've borrowed some books from SengKang Library. (Was there last Sunday for the Gundam Fair.) I have not done that for a really long time, and I managed to get a "self-help" book titled "The Bitch At Work". Hmm, interesting. Couldn't resist getting my hands on that book. Have only read up to page 93 of the book, and so far, the author had been giving some "rules" and "concepts" of being TBAW. In the book, she explained the definition of "Toxic Niceness". Which made me realize is something I must must must get rid of. Not that I do not enjoy being nice to anyone, but Toxic Niceness is actually a type of niceness to people, which makes it easy for them to walk all over you, and allows yourself to be taken advantage of by others. The author also taught about the "Inner Bitch" in every woman. The Inner Bitch is someone who knows what to say or do, or are just not afraid of expressing their unhappiness or anything that bothered them to anyone, ranging from bosses to husbands.

So, I've been wondering, where have my Inner Bitch gone to? I know I was one in my previous job (lol, I think some of the attachment boys can affirm to that. Miraculously, Mark who is 1 of my attachment boys actually told me recently that he has a nice Team Lead lady for a boss, someone as nice as me.) My previous boss definitely knows I was one. Somehow, sometimes I think he was glad I was one. Being a TBAW definitely has it's pros, sometimes it gets things moving. Instead of everyone just fakingly putting on a smile here and there and pretending nothing is wrong.

So why am I now someone plagued by the Toxic Niceness, instead of still being TBAW? What is here in this job that I'm afraid to voice my opinions and unhappiness? Is it the experience or the amount of time I have in this job? I probably feel I'm not "old-bird" enough to be saying anything. Or maybe I just don't care enough about the work here, that I can't even be bothered to be TBAW. Although, recently I do find myself trying to, and increasingly so, because the thing I hate the most is getting taken advantage of by others unwillingly. And being so unhappy that i always end up singing songs like JT's "What goes around comes around" now with even more heart and soul than I ever did, haha!

The book is interesting in the sense that the author gives alot of examples to explain some of her concepts. The examples are funny, and sometimes make me feel i'm just reading a storybook. But sometimes the examples can be too much, to the point that you'll be taking away the stories, instead of the concepts behind the stories. Anyways, I hope the book will teach me more about being in control of my work life, so that I don't always feel too unhappy. I know I need this book because many people have already been telling me so (yes, it must be that bad.) So til I've officially regained the title of TBAW! ;)

P.S. Never seen someone so excited to be a b***h before lol!