Deep Clear Eyes

Lost Angels.

2010-10-19T10:32:00.001+08:00

i'm not feeling well, my back is aching somehow, my eyes feel sourish, my neck and shoulders stiff (maybe it is due to me feeling some pple breathing down my neck at work, probably swearing under their breaths that i'm yet again eating snake while typing this.)

honestly, i don't really know what i should do at this point of life. Is this what they call mid-life crisis? I'm 30, and if my life expectancy is supposed to be about 60, yeah i guess it IS a mid-life crisis. This is the time where I constantly look back on my years, wondering what in the world have I achieved. Nothing much compared to a baby I guess?

I'm stuck in a computer-related job which ironically, was one of those jobs which I told my father i'd like to do when i grew up. I guess i just grew bored of it. Bored of the job, bored of the stereotypes that come along with it. Perhaps, maybe just bored of myself, for being a geeky, lifeless overweight nerd. Bored of all those people who looked down on me for being "inflexible", no EQ watsoever and boring. Ironically, when i try to interact more with other pple, sometimes they get worried that i'll mix around with "bad" company, or are just plain jealous that i seem to be enjoying myself more with pple whom are just friends, or rather jealous that i seem to be enjoying anything else other than my time with them.

And now, i'm stuck at a junction whereby, I'm so used to my own comfort zone, I don't know where to go or what to do anymore. I'm lost, officially. Always am i guess, but never this bad. What's my purpose in life? Is it just working a 9 to 6 job and earning some bucks? Is it just finding true love? I feel this life isn't progressing anywhere. And why do I say that?

Last week, I attended a talk, the topic was "Passion". Passion = meaning x progress. As of now, I'm not even sure if there is meaning in my life, definitely not the progress I've wanted. As a woman, perhaps my narrow-minded goal and perspective was to service the people whom i love and respect. No matter how highly capable or resourceful i am deemed to be, my first priority will always be my loved ones. Perhaps i'm a really easily malable person, always being "pushed around" by other people. Many a times, I often feel that is how my life should be and I didn't mind it a single bit.

Unlike how others view me as the queen or princess of wands, this doesn't seem to coincide. The queen or princess of wands are highly independent women whom takes life by its reins and shake it, violently. Do I really seem as courageous as that? Then why do I feel so tired and lost now? Could I blame this on some hormones running through my body at this point in time? Would it be permanent? I certainly hope not.

I remember my younger days, where i used to be so carefree. I guess I just lost all my innocence. Life is getting more and more difficult for me, because in theory i shouldn't bother about what was expected of me. But in reality, many a times, the majority always expects minimally, the norm of me. Sometimes, I just wish I could escape from it all. From the weird / funny looks casted by such people, from people who are happily living in their own world and expects everyone else to, from too much happiness which i can't relate to. I wonder what is wrong with me, perhaps i'm just eccentric, or constantly in the state of depression, no matter how I try to pretend i'm not.

Facing the music is much more courageous than putting on a false smile and mask i feel. But circumstances always don't allow me to be so. I guess my heart got broken into a million pieces half my life ago, never really recovering from it. And to make things worse, it only got worse as i age, with all the unrequited love and heartless people i've been with. Whom had callously thrown me to the winds, to be alone, all alone.

Perhaps nobody would really understand me as a person. Unless that person had gone through the exact similar events as myself. I'm tired, really tired of trying to find someone like that, tired of myself as a person. I don't know why I feel a lump in my throat, feel breathless and feel an ache in my chest. And to think these 30 years or so should be the luckiest time of my life. Why do I feel so tormented then? I can't imagine the rest of my life. Perhaps this is why my life line on my right palm is so short. I'm destined to die young. It's not such a bad thing right?

The next time any of you witness, all the laughter and happiness I show. Do note that these were actually derived from all the pain, anguish, fear I've gone thru. If normally I seem like a bubbly, happy-go-lucky person, then it was because i had learnt to not take things for granted and i wanted to make life happier for others. If i seem like some drama mama, then please don't accuse me of bein one, because you don't know me, neither would you ever understand who i am, why do i behave so dramatically the way i do, what goes running inside my brain everyday. I'm not so lucky nor blessed as you.

And I still dun understand why she said my life is that of a princess's. In what way like a princess? Ah I know, having the "riches" of a princess, but never finding true happiness / love like a lonely, locked-up princess in the castle. Isn't that what princesses were always depicted to be in fairy tales?

I pray for my eyes to be able to dry and open up soon. For my body is constantly shaking with fatigue, fear and cynical thoughts. Let me fly away on a fire-breathing dragon who would rescue me from this cold, meaningless castle.

Hero Movie.

2010-07-15T01:02:00.001+08:00

Nice, I got dedicated this clip by him.

Animoto Rox.

2010-07-13T02:03:00.003+08:00

Etro Anime - Danger

I don't wanna try to fight this love,
how dangerous can it be?

I know the odds are so unfavorable,
and honesty's forsakeable.

So many run for safety,
run from the

Danger of falling in love like this,
danger of falling apart,
in the hands, of another.
Danger in falling in love like this,
cold sweat craving the dark,
so completely, so sweetly.
Danger.

Things have gone wrong, they do more often than they don't.
I was a child before, a soldier in defense.
I'll take the leap, I've gone so far for lesser gold.
I wanna know this life, by your side.

So I don't wanna try to fight this love,
how dangerous can it be?

I know the odds are so unfavourable,
and honesty's forsakeable.
So many run for safety. From the,

Danger of falling in love like this,
danger of falling apart,
in the hands, of another.
Danger in falling in love like this,
cold sweat craving the dark,
so completely, so sweetly.

Ayanami is too smexy.

2010-05-04T18:01:00.006+08:00

This entire anime reeks of boy-love. LOL!! Not that I'm complaining... Ayanami, the antagonist in this story is too smexy for me to hate him entirely. Him and Frau are my favourite characters in this anime so far.
(Hahaha, anime does that to priests pic!)

They have the usual spec-donning side characters, and the young cute boyish ones, in fact the main character, Teito Klein is one. His obsession with his best friend Mikage is something that I will never understand, at least not to his depth. The theme is nice, with priests and military against each other, two very opposite factions.

Ayanami's character actually reminds me of RO. The boy's cap. (I think I have an obsession with caps and earphones. Don't ask me why LOL!) Frau is funny with his perverted ways, but yet you know he is a caring, strong character. Watch out for his library books antics and you will know why he's perverted ;p

What is attractive about this anime, again is the story behind each character, and how they are all brought together through fate or destiny. Somehow, I don't think Ayanami's character is that evil. He was seen to be protective of his friends, something which truly evil beings would not be able to have done. Although he threatened Mikage with his sister, eventually nothing bad was ever done to her. Ah, understanding the greyness of one's character. I wonder if its because I'm getting older.

This cosplay pic of Ayanami, the funny Hyuuga and subordinate Konatsu is so apt. Luv Ayanami's purplish-white hair and cool expression. The uniforms and props such as the grey throne are also very nicely done. Haha, Hyuuga and his lollipop!

I especially love the ending theme song, it reminds me of another aspect of RO's music. Noria's high-pitched, nasal-sounding voice also fits this song beautifully, adding-on to its naive childish, hopeful feel from the meaning of the lyrics. So enjoy this song, "Hitomi no Kotae" by Noria. ;)

Assassination Mode On

2010-05-04T15:53:00.002+08:00

Last night was a "nightmare". I thought I had settled it really nicely with the mail reply I wrote. But it seems I would always get disappointed with such themes.

I happily left work yesterday, proud of myself for giving a good reply. Good reply as in, something non-offending, putting things across as straight-forward as possible, without sugar-coating my words saying things just for the sake of saying them. Such as "oh you're a nice guy but...", "i wish i can give you a chance but...". All these talk is worthless in my opinion. It doesn't even matter. So I'm still open to the invitation of being friends.

He logged into game and asked if he could have a talk with me. Fine, we talked and I wondered what else he didn't understand. But it escalated into crazy, stupid theories / assumptions of how I was afraid of him, afraid of entering a relationship, how I lied that looks don't matter but it does, how I just view him as a bypasser in my life, how he would not give up, how we can be friends first then see if we can proceed further from there. I wonder what is the point, the last thing I wanna do is give someone false hopes and lead him on. And he tells me he rather have hope and try rather than no hope at all. *roll eyes* okie, I've heard these many times, I'm just not gonna fall for it this time again. So no. And again in my opinion, better to end things fast than slow and draggish. (I guess this is one of my guy-ish traits again. Someone who can be so cold and heartless.)

I got really pissed off when here I am being direct, straight to the point, and this fella is assuming there is something more to everything I said. It felt like someone putting his hands to his ears and going on and on without listening to a word I say. I asked why did he write in Chinese, he said he could express himself better. Right, I understand that, just like I feel I can express myself better in English. So I asked if he wanted to type in Chinese instead, I can read. But he refused, and the whole time we were like this chicken and duck talking. 90% of the time, I couldn't even understand what the hell he was saying, and why he was saying those. It was utterly frustrating.

Eventually I had it. I lied that I liked someone else. Then he goes on to ask if that person knows. (omfg) I said I have a bad temper when he asked if I have cooled down. Then he goes on to say "Leos are like that." My goodness, why was he so presumptuous about me? He made it sound like he knew me very well. Even my family and best friends only know certain sides of me, who is he to assume he knows me?

All these talk while I was trying to dance, and my girl friend trying to flirt with one of my guy friends, right infront of my nose. (As usual, I should be used to it by now. But it never fails to make me feel awkward. I still don't get why people do that infront of me. Trying to prove something? Or it was just such an innate behaviour to flirt with every single guy they know?) Well, I had quite enough for the night, so I told him that we just didn't understand each other. With that, he finally understood. (wow, was that some magical line or wat?) I said my goodbyes to him, he told me "God bless you." I said the same to him and he said "no need, hell better for me." (See? That is what I meant by saying things for the sake of saying them.) So I told him neither do I need it. I know, such a blasphemy from me, but if he doesn't need my sincere blessings, why should I need his? I can live very well without them. =\ By this time, I'm already trying very hard to refrain from tearing or breaking something.

So there, as another friend would put it, I'm back to my "killing" ways, assassination mode. These people should be more grateful that my killing methods are clean, straightforward and direct. I hope they appreciate it.

P.S. that fella's FB acct have like hundreds of female friends, and all that bs about being first gf? Try harder. =x

There is no love

2010-05-03T16:55:00.002+08:00

Newest song from my fave female Korean singer Gummy. Ironically, the song she is singing this time again, is so easy to relate to. Although it sounds quite typically like some US song.

Her image in this mtv, is kinda strong. Long black hair, long black dress. I liked that bridge part where she wore her hair up, red lipstick and a white top.

Everyone is crazed, love is a lie. Super pessimistic song heh. Realistic or naive?

Fuzakenna!!!

2010-05-03T09:42:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I don't know if I'm really down in my luck, or I always seem so "inviting" to such people. Just got an email message from someone whom I've barely even talked to a few days ago.

自从在那晚(29Apr10)与你认识到交淡后，我就对你念念不忘，一直想再多了解你多一点。可是你总是没出现，让我倍感失落。无时无刻查看你有上网吗，有回信吗，等等。。。。。。 (At this point of time, I still can't believe my eyes with what I'm reading.... chinese? huh? Why is he writing in chinese?)

有几句话我说了，你一定认为我在开玩笑，因为我们才交淡一次，又没见过对方，也不了解对方。那句话就是：“我们交往吧！做我第一，唯一，最终的女朋友吧！我是认真的，给我机会照顾，呵护及疼爱你吧！” (I'm wondering if he copied this from somewhere. Totally doesn't sound like chinese a typical singaporean would write. Or maybe I'm too banana myself already. The language here totally sounds like either china or taiwan-type. I'm definitely not feeling this.)

我想了几天几夜，考虑了很久，才鼓起勇气，写了这封告白信给你。我想我终于找到我这一生寻寻觅觅的另一半，那就是你！让我在你觉得孤单寂寞时，佔居你的空虚。让我在你伤心难过时，靠在我的怀抱里哭泣。让我在每年的生日，情人节时，陪你度过
(Freaked out at this point, going "wtf"?)

我不擅于表达，也不会甜言蜜语，说的全都是真心话。让我们试着交往吧！给我机会也等于给你一个机会。如果你愿意给我机会的话，请发简讯到9XXXXXX给我。如果你认为我们只适合做普通朋友的话，请回信给我就行了，除非你不介意让我知道你的手机号码。期待你的回复，你一定要辛福哦！ (Seriously, I'm not in the mood for believing in anyone who wishes for me to have happiness now. Its not that I don't believe there are still nice, kind people who wants the best for me in everything. I just don't feel and don't wanna feel anything anymore.

I dun really wanna be naive anymore... at least, not yet... )

I dunno what is up seriously. I don't even think I know him. For now, I only know I've gotta deal with it, and the answer is apparent. Don't exactly have anything holding me back on my answer. Just need to know how to deal with people nicely and maybe reply back in my simplistic lousy cheena. Oh nevermind, I'll just write back in whatever way i'm comfortable i guess.

I only have one phrase to describe how i feel about this now... "Fuzakenna".

Without you...

2010-04-28T16:17:00.002+08:00

2pm's latest single titled "Without you".

Can relate to this song to a T, at this point of time.... Love the piano parts with the catchy electronic beats in the background. The dance was abit funny-looking but catchy as usual, the "sliding" step was suave! Watch the mtv, it reminds me of the "heartbeat" mtv, just much more darker with the black rain falling.

Black, my fave color. Rain, my fave emo weather.
And who is that doing that famous move of throwing his shirt onto the ground? *grins*

Highlights:
Beginning rap part
I'm gonna get stronger

right, its better to be separated. Anyways I knew at some point you and I
would have had this situation. I definitely know you would have done this
instead of that, its better to be me right now
after I was in deep love I knew
I'm relieved I knew about this. That's why I'm ok

Chorus
I'm gonna be ok (gonna be ok)
I'll be ok (gonna be ok)
Baby without you, baby without you.

Mid-song rap part
Listen, everything happens for a reason, everything happens for a reason.
That doesn't even make sense, obviously what you said is gonna be proved wrong, so just turn around.
It really hurts me to see you, I want to stop.

Bridge
Why did you do this to me (why)
Seriously why did you do this to me (made me cry)
You threw away everything we have had, was everything we did actually valuable?
The times we had together, the times we could have had together
Aren't you even sad about it? Do you not care?
Right now are you, are you ok without me?

2PM New Release Mini Album: Don't Stop Can't Stop

2010-04-28T15:31:00.002+08:00

Yes, they have finally released another mini album. And yes, I am finally updating my blog here again. *Phew* =\ Believe me, I wish I can update it more often. But the past few months have been hellish. Hell-ish, emotionally and physically.

Frankly I have so much to say, to the point I don't know where to start. Should I be talking about what's happening with me lately? Or should I start by telling the story from the start, or my comments on certain things in the world revolving around me? Ok let me re-organize. This post shall be about 2PM updates yah? =) Since the title involves 2PM's new mini album. I will group and prioritize the rest into further posts. (Yay!! Massive update of the blogz. =p)

2PM is my fave korean boyband, ever since last November. I can see the "good-ness" in almost every 2PM members. Goodness such as the purpose of them being in the group. I don't know if I'm too engrossed with work / business stuff recently, but it is true that everyone contributes to the success of a group, be it popbands, organization, community. In each and small little way, everyone counts. Without anyone, the group would not fail / fall, but there would definitely be a change or impact to the future of the group, how it works and what's gonna happen for them. Each of them were there for a purpose, to fill in the gaps that the rest could not fulfill. Talk about good marketing techniques. :)

So you can imagine my disappointment when leader Jay Park left the group. Initially, it was due to some comments he wrote in his mySpace blog, which I feel shouldn't be the main reason for him to leave. But it was due to this incident, which probably made him realise something, that this is not for him. Or a mistake in the past was even far worse greater reason for him to leave. Whatever it is, it is his decision and others should try to respect that. The poor guy has made a decision to leave, let him stick to it and get on with his life. I know everyone wants him back, myself too, but if he has made a decision, let's not try to make things difficult for him. As long as he's happy, all is well.

Same goes for the rest of the members in 2PM. They have moved on, releasing this new mini album. They still go on with their tour dates. In fact, they should move on. If they don't, it is not even logical. Do some fans think that with Jay gone, the whole band should just stop there or disband? No way... c'mon, everyone worked hard. They've come to this stage, it is so much easier to just walk away from it all and disband the whole thing. But it takes alot of strength and effort to continue walking the line. To work even harder to prove to their fans they will continue to make good music, dance and entertainment. So let's give them the credit for that yah? (Even though I'm starting to feel a little annoyed with some of the stronger characters in this group. But I'm sure they have their own reasons behind it. They care, which is probably why they are portrayed as angrier. Different people respond differently to let-downs. Some get sad, emo, some get angry. It is a cycle of emotions. Some people feel angry first... as time goes by, they get sad. Some sad initially, then the more they think about it, the angrier they get. But eventually, people look back and all these form impressionable memories. Pretty sure a few years down the road, nobody will even remember or mind what had happened. Who knows they may get back together eventually 1 day and laugh it off together? Just cherish what they have got currently, because once it is gone, it is gone.)

As for their new songs titled "Don't Stop Can't Stop" and "Without You", it is obvious they are trying to portray where they stand, with Jay leaving. Frankly we will never know the real reason that caused him to leave, unless he announces or declares it. So I would say, good marketing and sharp creativity skills coming from JYP, on producing these two songs to be covered-up as a "break-up" in romantic terms. But you and I know, the song could so easily be symbolic of Jay's incident.

So enjoy the first song from the album: Don't Stop Can't Stop.
Strong feelings depicted here, which boosts my morale up this morning, while listening to it on the way to work. Let it burn, i'm gonna be stronger... ironically, it is like how my msn nick is sometimes: Motto motto tsuyoi (extracted from Clare in Claymore).

So we don't stop, can't stop, until we reach the top!!!

it's gonna be a lovely day...

2010-03-17T17:27:00.004+08:00

It had been an extremely good day so far.

Woke up this morning feeling it is gonna be quite an ordinary day like any other. Still had to go to work, still had to do the usual mundane things. Still thought I couldn't skip work cos I had some datelines I promised other colleagues to fulfill. I went about my usual daily morning routines and headed off to work.

SMS-ed shifu on my way to work as usual. I don't know why, but i started telling him wat I dreamt this morning.

I dreamt of my father again. This time the setting is in some cny gathering at a friend's place. The apartment / flat was entirely white in color, with red cny decorations. I stepped in and my friends greeted me, the guys were suave, the gals were very pretty and totally dressed up for the joyous festive occasion. I hugged a few of them on my way in. Then I noticed someone sitting there on the sofa in a corner. It was my dad, he was dressed in a very trendy and hip manner. He was wearing those retro brown shades in gold rims, with white long-sleeved shirt and pants and nice leather shoes. His body looked slim and yet fit, tanned, like he had worked out in the gym. He looked so good, like he had never before. He looked so well.

I walked up to him and took a seat beside him on the sofa. I called him like I normally would... "daddy". He didn't say a word and continued playing on this grey psp he held in his hands. But he tilted the psp over to me, to show me what he was playing, this fighting game which looked abit cartoonish. I don't know if I was just happy to see him this well, or just happy to see him. Recalling the dream was extreme joy for me. Shifu commented my dream was so cute. I agree, it was cute and sweet. I wonder if my dad was hinting for me to get a psp for him to play. I was just thankful to be able to see my dad. It was probably because I happen to see a pic we took together in my younger days last night. But whatever the cause, I'm thankful.

The music player on my handphone was also contributing to my ever-lovely start to this lovely day. Playing silly yet catchy songs like the "Ding Dong Song". I asked shifu if he heard of this song before, and told him I love it, the lyrics are so stupid, but I love it. I reached my office, for a moment there was this woman who had the think-she-very-pretty attitude, who gave me the wanna-kill-you look when the lift door nearly closed on her, if not for me pressing the open button quickly. Yes I pressed the close button, but that was because I didn't see anyone behind me when I entered the lift. Instead of a 'Thank You', she gave me the side-stare like I nearly murdered her. Fine, blame yourself for walking so slowly in your high heels and stop trying to think you're atas just because you're carrying a gucci bag. My day is too good to be ruined by a bitch like you :) kthxbye.

After a short but sweet complaining session to Norman about the stupid lift bitch, coming to terms with our lives, that we had so much more to live on for as compared to our problems in life, with Casey, I went on to fill in my Performance Review for the rest of the year. I asked for the budget figures from Jas and LH and both dear gals were so quick and prompt with their replies. (Thank you dears! :)) Filling the performance review was so much easier for me today than it seemed for me yesterday. My ideas and memory just came back, everything was flowing so freely, like how I managed to write-up about my day now. It was effortless, almost. :) Windows Media Player was extremely good as well, playing all the songs which made me bob my head along. Today my msn nick was "its gonna be a lovely day". Being the usual pessimist, it was extremely rare to see me this hopeful and joyful. Even the news about how this gym personal trainer, who 2-3 years ago held my hand to assist me to balance on this exercise ball one evening, had pass away because he was suffering from depression didn't get me down really. He must have felt all alone and that he had no one to turn to and no way to solve all his problems. I understood that feeling. I'm just glad he is now somewhere better off, it is sinful to commit suicide but I want to believe he is somewhere happier and i pray he will no longer be tormented. For me, I'm definitely not taking his path, because I still have the support of my friends. At my most down moment, I am glad there are still friends whom I will think of talking to.

Then it was lunch with my best sec sch fren at Cineleisure. It was a very good lunch, she listened to my problems and gave me advice to think them through hard. I told her I had been thinking and it is almost driving me crazy everyday. She told me it could only go 1 way or another, not bulldoze through. And she treated me to lunch, I was looking forward to the next lunch i'll be having with her. Again, thankful for such a good lunch I had with her. As I stepped out of the lift at my office level, my ex-director whom was dressed in this pretty red dress greeted me so joyously. She exclaimed "hey you're back!! Welcome back! So good to see you!" I flashed her a very big smile before the lift doors closed on her, I never felt so appreciated and happy for so long. Heh speak of the devil, I was telling WL earlier during lunch that my ex-director ever gave me some bgr advice. She is a woman I look up to, a great teacher who always inspires me to give my best and all. 2 more weeks before she goes on sabbatical leave for her daughter's sake. Although she will no longer be with us in the office, I will be rooting for her and her decision.

So, the day had been excellent so far! A few more hours to dinner with boss and the rest whom I've been talking to everyday in-game. I'm sure the day will continue to be this good way into the night. I'm sure to sleep tonight with a smile upon my face, no matter how crazy that seems. I guess heaven just chose to reward me in little ways for all the effort i've put in my daily life so far.

A very thoughtful line which I came across today:
What you can control, do control. What you cannot control, don't let it control you.

Hikari 光

2010-01-22T09:48:00.006+08:00

Another ranting post.

Just felt so undermined, and things are getting alot more worse. I finally reached my limit last night, and blew my top..... or maybe not? =x But at least I allowed myself to feel angry, yah so angry that i got so emo and cried, and scared a few "innocent" friends along the way. I'm sorry to those friends, they are innocent and they happen to witness my emo-ness.

So I'm good enough to understand how I'll always be second best in his eyes, as compared to his gf. But I really hate the fact that he had to rub that in my face, on every opportunity presented. And she was also damn immature, to keep comparing herself with her supposedly good gf, infront of her bf. Was it just to prove she is more wanted, better or stoke her online ego?

I guess I really had the last straw last night when he innocently asked if the guy playing with us was "my prey". What is up with that? Every single guy must be my prey? He is not, and FYI, I was just doing my own thang and this friend asked if she could join. But she pulled along another guy to join ME. Get the picture straight? Felt so accused. So I threw it back into their faces with a direct "No, it is hers". All silence after that. Ok nice, and then she had to go afk and "throw" the new stranger guy in my battle room.

Then comes along my didi. Well, I was quite surprised he accepted me as his jie. I wasn't expecting him to be so forthcoming, but I'm glad he did. I just tried asking him if I could call him didi, and he gladly accepted. (Thanks di, that was so sweet and kinda the silver lining on the cloud for me last nite. You always disturb / tease me, so I had no idea you were willing to be my bro.) He accompanied me and the stranger guy in a few songs.

Then comes along her. As usual, trying to be so "friendly" by saying hi to my didi. (I don't see her saying hi to the newbie stranger guy? wtf.) Stop trying to make my friends yours, what is mine is mine, they are not yours, unless I wanna share them with you. Show a little respect? You already have your bf making you feel on top of the world every nite, and you already get to rub it in my face that u're 110% better than me in anything and everything. Show a little respect to me, if you cherish me as a friend? I need to have my own world, a world away from yours, an identity of my own, not forever as your side-kick, your "dear" whom you selfishly try to constantly undermine, whether on purpose or not, your "dear" whom you declare to the whole wide world that you love. I don't really need that? Sympathy? Pity? Attention-whoring that you're such a dear sweet girl for loving me no matter wat? I don't need all these.

And to him, stop rubbing it into my face that you wanna peep at yr gf rather than me. Stop sarcastically suan-ing that my "battery" is so much more alive with a guy beside me. Stop accusing me for being the reason, for any other guy standing within 5 metres around our bunch. What can I say? You asked for it, so stop whining when the otherwise happens. You were the one who always made me feel second best to yr gf, constantly doing that over & over. So when I finally get some attention from some other guys, am I not supposed to be happy? Am I supposed to feel sad that FINALLY someone is noticing me? Show me some respect as well, since my already low self-esteem is not getting any help from you, let me get it helped from other people and stop accusing me of trying to get help from other people. You of all people, I had higher expectations out of you cos you seemed to understand me more than the rest. I suppose maybe that was an illusion. I guess I was just a dormant volcano waiting to blow-up. But i couldn't help it, cos everytime i snapped back, you just don't get it.

And di, sorry I had to "threaten" and asked if I should quit the game or not and scare you with a "i'm crying now". Cos it is just so hurting sometimes. You said you had to company your laopo last nite, and that we shall discuss this issue today. Thanks, and I fully understand your dilemma of not being to talk to me immediately. Anyway, whether directly or indirectly, you were so smart.. to "postpone" discussing this with me til tonight. To give me some time to think over it, to give the game another chance. If I stay on, please give me some credit, cos it is not easy for me to. But I shall try, try to still be around for you guys. Try to be a stronger person.

Now I understood what momo meant when he told me "anything msg me lor". Anything, that was what I felt last nite. Anything, thats the feeling when you feel down in the dumps, and that nobody else in the world cares or understands. Anything, just anything. Maybe I'll just sms him with this word... "anything". =x okies lame. LOL!

For me now, music is the only thing that can save my soul. Deepcleareyes is my only best friend. Yeap. Just wanna share a song, yes an emo song (which I never really appreciated, until today. It just felt so right while I'm ranting all these. And the meaning of the song is beautiful). Let me tell u, it would be really ironic if momo became my "bf". Since his nick was Baby + Emo. LOL omg. Ok, I laugh at myself sometimes. :)

Translation to the song:

Sunlight filtering through the trees, halfway through a dream,

softly shutting my eyes in the gentle wind,

lightly floating in the air, resting my feet tired from walking,

Because the road continues so far onward, all the way until you, I’m in no hurry

After pondering things like the meaning of life all night long, what I’ve grasped

is our light so small I may forget it when morning comes,

That everyone is born crying is a matter of course,

so I want to be a person who sleeps with a smile when I greet that day,

Without forgetting, I’ll leisurely look back on today that passed at such a fast pace

You taught me that I grow stronger as the things I want to protect increase,

I want to live on inside of someone, if that were you I’d be so happy

We can meet with happy things many times over, even if we’re far away,

This warmth from when we held one another can live on in our hearts,

After pondering things like the meaning of life all night long, what I’ve grasped

is our light so small I may forget it when morning comes,

Right now is a small light

What do you do when you get irritated by friends?

2010-01-08T10:51:00.004+08:00

I know this is very mean of me, but what do you do when you get irritated by a friend?

By their constant harping of the same topic of this gal they like (every single min / second you talk to them).
By all the constant worrying about whether it is right to be doing this and that for this gal until it really gets on your nerves.
By sms-ing you when the gal whom they have this major crush on, ask them out or invite them over to their place, and they can't WAIT to share the GOOD news with you, that they have to SMS you ON THE SPOT, and expects you to reply them IMMEDIATELY with your WELLWISHING COMMENTS.
And then when you don't reply them on msn, they constantly continue to msg you with stupid factual stuffs on the weather,
or that the weekend is coming soon,
or how happy they are that their bosses have all went for meetings,
or how sleepy they are,
how full / hungry they are.

I'm sorry, but i'm just not THAT interested to know that you have obsessed over what to wear for the gal, or get updated every single DAY of my life how you 2 are progressing, or even if you have just burped due to that heavy lunch you had earlier. Wtf? Just leave me alone with all your attention whoring? Go blog or something. =x

Aftenote (12th Jan 2010): Ok, this is really ruffling up my feathers. Here I am, busy with work til I have no bloody time to logon MSN, or to even have a proper lunch. And this fella actually msg and replies again with "wah so jialat ah? I not in office now also"..... =.= do i look like i fucking care i'm here busy as hell and you are outside skiving or having an off day? Epic fail.

emo-ing about being emo.

2010-01-07T16:45:00.004+08:00

Yesterday I was thinking, I actually forgot all about updating my blog. The one and only place where I can rant, emo, over-analyse about every little single detail or thing that had happened to me, and wouldn't get a reaction back telling me "You think too much" or "Why you always emo?", when they talk to me about the guy / gal they like or agonize themselves with the sickening people in their lives every single minute or second in the world themselves. (yeah wtf? selfish or wat? so they can rant and i can't? Look into the mirror first?)

Ok, so let's start off with this frustrating deadlock situation. I don't know if it is just me being too over-lively / friendly or i just give people the impression that i "talk cute" most of the time, but when i'm more quiet... or in other words, like how they describe it as "moody", they just automatically assume i'm being emo. This is dumb, moody does not mean emo to me. Wanna know what is emo for me? REAL emo is me crying.... yes, not when I'm more reserved / calm than usual, not when I'm just quieter or lonelier than usual, not when I get hostile / aggressive (now that is angry or pissed off). Guess everyone's definition and threshold levels of "emo" is different?

When it seems like I "think too much", i'm just analysing things... why bother? Because it is just in me, it is just in my blood... i'm a freaking data analyst for goodness's sakes. If I'm not someone who likes to analyse things, pull things apart bit by bit and think thru them, think about the reason why... then I shouldn't even be an analyst (think Sherlock Holmes. Yes, my job requires me to be super detailed and think / reason about every-little-thing.) It is just my character to. Now is that a crime? And it just happens to be that friends are for sharing, sharing of happy / sad / bad news.... sharing of thoughts is also considered as a form of sharing. If I don't see you as a friend, I wouldn't even bother sharing any of my thoughts with you. (Can't these people be more appreciative of the trust I have in them?)

So the next time, when a friend emos on you or seem to be emo-ing... don't be harsh. Allow him / her to emo and vent out their frustrations. Or would you rather they bottle-it-up inside them, with time ticking away to surprisingly explode on you sometime later on? Just let them emo out, and least of all, do not tell them "Don't EMO", unless your friend is someone like me, who can still calmly react back with a "Let me emo please." instead of a "you just dun fucking understand me, go away." Don't tell people not to emo, just because as a friend, you are not COMPETANT / BRAVE enough to face the music of consoling / handling your friend who is frustrated / sad, irregardless of the frequency of how often they do this. Just don't, just let them go with the flow of their emotions. For one, I know how sickeningly painful / depressing it is, to feel sad but not be able to express it out because people tend to shun emo / sad family / friends. The last thing you would want when you're sad, is to feel even sadder due to loneliness. And in a way, telling people not to sad / emo is as good as enforcing your own opinions and emotions on others (wtf?), which is rude.

It just reminds me of the old saying: "if you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all." Wow what a start to the new year of 2010. No wonder I cried on the second last night of 2009 til my eyes got swollen for work on the last day of 2009.

Heartbreaker (11th Nov)

2009-11-11T22:32:00.004+08:00

Where do you draw the fine, thin line, between online and reality? Or is it so fine that there is no point in drawing any lines anyway. Should I even be thinking so much? Probably in the end, it is all for nothing.

Should I just take things as they come? At a slow stride? I'm so confused, I don't know what to think anymore.... for the entire day, I don't know why my heart aches so much. It was so painful. So painful but yet I'm so addicted to listening to heartbreaking songs like "Heartbreaker", "Abracadabra" and "Again & Again". 2PM's songs were especially painful to listen to, I don't know why either. Recently I kept on repeating these few catchy, jumpy Korean songs, and feel my own heart beating along fast with them.

(Continued on 26th Nov:) I was so into 2PM for the past few weeks. Kept listening to their songs wherever I go. I created a very short playlist in my phone titled "ache". LOL, cos listening to those songs really made me feel the heartache. Love their MTVs as well, the dancing is so nice~ My own nicknames for the 7 of them:

1) Jaebom aka Jay: Leader
2) Chansung: General Hwang
3) Junsu: Birthday Boy
4) Taecyeon: Director
5) Nickhun: Thai Prince
6) Wooyung: Mean Boy (who don't say what he means)
7) Junho: Angel Loser (who don't gets to be with any girl)

Heartbeat

Again & Again

Elitism

2009-10-16T14:57:00.003+08:00

1. The belief that certain persons or members of certain classes or groups deserve favored treatment by virtue of their perceived superiority, as in intellect, social status, or financial resources.

2a. The sense of entitlement enjoyed by such a group or class.
2b. Control, rule, or domination by such a group or class.

I'm sure many who play online games are familiar with this term. Are you? Frankly speaking, not only gamers behave this way, but even people in real-life behave this way sometimes. Otherwise how would we get those unreasonable customers, who thinks they are the cream of the crop and therefore deserves nothing but the best, while the rest of the population "deserves" the "lousier" things in life?

In every game, I'm sure there is always that bunch, who thinks very highly of themselves. You know what I mean: that bunch that always keeps to their own clique only, who do not bother to talk or stand near to you because of your noobish-looking character, because you're new in the game, because you're not one of those influential peeps or have friends who are influential, because you're not seen as "hip" or "powerful" enough. So they just ignore you, (be glad if they are even willing to talk to you), "dump" you to one-side or just treat you as if you ate glass while growing up (i.e. transparent). Its quite saddening when elitists are that powerful, that they can even threaten someone else due to their status in-game "if you want to continue playing this game, then you better watch out......"

So what happens then? Just ignore these people and play the game enjoyably (if you can take it). But sometimes it is hard to continue without any friends to play and chat with, talk rubbish to or just joke around. And that, is almost always the reason, why games come to be stagnant after some time. Nobody new joins the game because there are no other friends to be made, the regulars are unfriendly (and friendly only amongst themselves) and the loneliness gets so boring.

Sometimes its all too sad and hurtful, even for myself to take. As much as I want to be thick-skinned, or be more patient for me to "get to know" or wait for others to "warm up to me". For most females, the most hurtful someone else can do to them, is to exclude them from a group. To not allow them to have a sense of belonging. I've experienced that a few times myself in life. I guess I have never been much of a social person, as much as I wanna be, otherwise I would have like dozens of friends or acquitances by now. Someone asked me recently, "How come you don't have much friends? You dao (snobbish) izzit?" I don't think so. Or I hope to think that the opposite is true.

I wonder how long more I need to persevere, in order to see the light at the end of the tunnel. How much longer should I wait? Or should I just jump to somewhere my company is much more enjoyed and appreciated? And how would I know whether I'm much more appreciated there? Perhaps happiness is the key. When I'm happy, I know at least I've got somethings right.....

Flirting: how much is too much?

2009-10-15T14:11:00.002+08:00

Today came across an article online, written by Sumiko from SPH on the aspects on how flirting is dangerous. (http://www.divaasia.com/article/5437)

Flirting, how much is too much? I often wonder. Especially so with all the e-drama in HS5 recently, (I won't mention names) there's a girl in-game who got cuss-ed and swear-ed at with vulgarities by some guys and girls. I don't know the actual degree behind how bad the mistake was that she committed, but I think it definitely does not deserve such public embarrassment. (C'mon nobody does.)

But again, this is a very subjective topic, depending on each individual. I would like to bring your attention to 2 paragraphs in the article:

It's harmless flirting and makes for a bit of silliness. We aren't in the least bit attracted to each other and I'm sure he uses that line on other female customers as a sales ploy. Still, I was flattered by that playful remark. It brightened my day.

Flirtation on this level is just a bit of fun. You would have to be really insecure or a killjoy to be offended by an exchange like this.

and I FULLY agree with this. I guess that girl in guild who took it out on me about teasing someone else is a "bad boy" because he always "flirts", is feeling really insecure. Oh please, ANYone would know I was just joking. The conversation went like this:

Her: What's wrong with flirting? Flirting doesn't mean the person is bad!
Me: I was just joking.
Her: Better be.

Wow, talk about having this elitism-attitude which I absolutely despise. But I will touch on that topic in another post. Ironically, this girl was the same one who after a few days, started to lash out on another girl for being a FLIRT.

Her: You stay away from my hubby you biatch~! Nobody likes you! Nobody likes all your flirtings like you think they do~!

Okay, I was exaggerating the "e-voice" acting. LOL! But isn't that just such a whiner? Goodness, she should just get her act together and stop being someone with double-standed values. 1 day she tells people off for joking "flirts" are "bad" people. And the other she takes it out on this other person who flirts alot with others. This person definitely have some issues.

Of cos, everyone can have different opinions on where they are comfortable with the line being drawn. But trying to enforce your own opinions on others, is where the line is really being crossed, by being a tyrant. And that to me, is something far worse than just a mere flirt.

Memories Reflash

2009-10-09T15:14:00.006+08:00

HS5 SG server.... Here's a walk in memory lane. Still hoping this time I won't "quit" the game so soon. ^^ Er, enjoy the slideshow with those comments!

Marry Me Pls, Funny People

2009-10-09T11:07:00.003+08:00

That coming from Dai Gor, on a friday.... really made my day! LOL! Dai gor, you're so funny!
The epic joke of the day, from Mark Big Bro to cheer me up. Thanks, I appreciate it and feel honored!

Kinda reminds me of the movie which I just caught yesterday... "Funny People". Its like one of those lines in the movie, which the comedian actors come up with to talk on their show. The movie was funny for the first hour or so, afterwhich I don't really know which parts to laugh or cry about XD Parts of the storyline weren't so funny to me.... having leukemia / cancer, getting divorced... =x not very funny topics hurhur.

Anyways TGIF, hope today is not as moody as the past few Fridays I've been having....

Lil Star

2009-10-06T00:36:00.001+08:00

There is nothing special about me
I am just a lil star
If it seems like I'm shining
It's probably a reflection of something you already are
I forget about myself sometime
When there's so many others around
When deep inside you feel the darkest
That is where I can always be found
That is where I can always be found
That is where I can always be found

Just keep trying and trying
It's just a matter of timing
Though the grinding is tiring
Don't let 'em stop you from smiling
Just keep trying and trying
Sooner or later you'll find it
It's surprising how inspiring
It is to see you shining
Cause in the dark of the night you're all i can see
and you sure look like a star to me

There is nothing special about me
I am just a lil star
If you try to reach out an touch me
you'll see that I'm not really that far
I may not be the brightest nor am I the last one you’ll see
But as long as you notice, that’s just fine with me
Everything’s just fine with me
Everything’s just fine with me

Cloudy with a chance of meatballs

2009-10-02T11:35:00.002+08:00

Finally this movie is released! I was late for about 10 mins into the movie, so I've missed the front portion of it. Although the plot is really simple and predictable, I really like the animation style and cute, sweet conclusions to the story.

If food started raining down my town, which food would I order? Hmmmm, pancakes with butter and maple syrup like the pic below? *getting hungry thinking about it* lol!

Which type of food would you order? Sushi? =p If anything, it should be something which you will never EVER get sick of eating right? *thinking of cheesecake & coffee*

Btw, if price of movie tickets is something you would think twice about spending your money on, then do catch the movie only on weekdays (non-3D). Because a ticket to the 3D version would cost about 50% more, and yet the movie only runs for about slightly more than an hour.

That said, I have not eaten some of the food which appeared in the movie for a very long time.... for example, steak, meatballs and yes, gummy bears! ^__^

Which type are you?

2009-09-28T10:04:00.003+08:00

Someone new on my msn list had this in their msn nick "I am ENTP, look up google! hahaha..."

And so I did. I googled it, read through some descriptions on Wikipedia (absolutely luv Wiki) and found out the term ENTP is actually used to describe a type of personality. The personality test is named Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and serves to allow anyone to fall under 16 types of personalities.

Going by just 4 very simple questions for the indicator at http://www.myersbriggs.org/, most likely I fall under INTP which had this personality type:

Seek to develop logical explanations for everything that interests them. Theoretical and abstract, interested more in ideas than in social interaction. Quiet, contained, flexible, and adaptable. Have unusual ability to focus in depth to solve problems in their area of interest. Skeptical, sometimes critical, always analytical.

That is quite right I guess, although this test should be only about 75% accurate. So which type are you? And do you think your type is accurate?

Bored, frustrated, emo.

2009-09-25T15:28:00.003+08:00

I finally realized what I need this blog for. For voicing myself when nobody seems to care or bothers to talk. I need some music to soothe my soul. I haven't sang for a very long time, it is one of the best avenues for me to release myself. Music to shake off those stress, those headaches, the tiredness, the feeling of on the verge of tears.

Music on now: (Not expecting everyone to be a fan of hers here, neither am I. But she's so gorgeous in this vid.)

Look around everywhere you turn is heartache
It's everywhere that you go (look around)
You try everything you can to escape
The pain of life that you know (life that you know)

When all else fails and you long to be
Something better than you are today
I know a place where you can get away
It's called a dance floor, and here's what it's for, so

Games Convention Asia (GCA) @ Suntec

2009-09-23T17:56:00.002+08:00

While chatting with this girl on msn (okay, I won't mention your name here lol!), suddenly remembered that there was this Games Convention at Suntec, a week after Comex. Happy that I have an idea of where to go after work on Friday (Sg is damn boring), I trotted down there very eager to see what kinda games / competitions were on display.

Well, the event was kinda small to my dismay, and it was kinda quiet (you mean nobody goes for such things after work on a Friday??). The number of games being sold were also quite limited. There were the few online game providers, Asiasoft kinda left out of this one. Maybe they were already earning that much and didn't wanna spend any more on marketing events like these. Afterall, they already have quite a few of the most popular online games in town: Maple, Audi, WOW and what have you.

So the few there whom actually appeared were notably IAHgames which is pretty huge there. (I could tell their business is getting bigger, since initially they only started with Granado Espada, yet now they're providing so many other online games.) I remembered a few weeks ago, a new guy at my co mentioned he was from IAHgames. I had no idea why he actually came over. If it was me, I would probably stay at IAHgames, its much more fun!

Ok, so the usual stint for IAHgames is to create some "quest" for visitors to collect this and that. Why do I know that? I think 2 years ago I actually went alone to this Granado Espada official launch thingy. The only reasons why i did that were: I actually played GE when it was still F2P, and the creator was Hakku Kim, the same for Ragnarok Online. Later on, GE decided to be P2P, which lead to me leaving the game (don't really want to spend any money on any online games). Probably due to that, much of the population left the game, which led to them making the game F2P again. (Phew, long explanation.)

2 years back at that GE event at Zouk, there was this quest where you had to gather 2 or 3 friends to form a party to play. I tried to ask if I could participate even without a party, the answer was "no". I was thinking, how inflexible. =p But anyhow, this time during the GCA, I could play the game / quest! One thing that really kinda baffles me is that all the "Game Masters" were young girls, dressed up in their costumes cosplaying as the game characters. But where are the guys man? =.= C'mon IAH, not only guys play games ok? Well, not that I have anything against the girls, some are really nice (oh yah, so nice that I see a bunch of boys happily taking photos together with the girls lol! Can you blame em?) But I really disliked it when I get the "who the heck cares about you old bitch?" look from some of them. Sigh. So IAH, pleaseeeeeee..... next time, bring the guys who don't mind tending to ugly, old ladies like myself.... please! XD *hear my rant* Well, I nearly could bring that idea up to one of the old uncle staff (wearing normal office clothes, and looking suspiciously like a management from IAH), since he actually asked if I managed to collect all the quest stamps at each of the 4 stations. (Damned, maybe next time I could post this suggestion to them.) Talking about the "WHAT? ARE YOU SURE YOU GAME????!" look, I got kinda annoyed when this Sony Vaio Salesguy at Comex casted me that remark and dirty look while i was telling him my usual requirements for a Laptop. What? So girls can't game? What a look-down! He probably needs a female to trash his arse at some CS game or something. =p oops.

HighStreet5 were there too, lol! I won't mention names here, but it was quite fruitful because I got to saw 3 HS5 online friends. Yup, 2 gals, 1 guy. And it was quite eventful. There were 4 CPU stations for people to try out the game. After I've approached the guy to obtain the latest installation DVD for the game, I tried playing on 1 of the station (yes, it was that QUIET.) The character is very nice, yellow butterfly wings, which I'll never get in the game even if I continued playing, a hood and pole-dancing skills, lol! The condition of the keyboard was actually quite bad. But somehow, eventually i managed to top all the other players at the game stall. The guy standing next to me was very frustrated that he lost, initially I didn't notice him at all, until he was doing all sorts of big actions after losing (like wanting to tear his hair out, or stomping his feet?) Okay, eat your heart out red t-shirt boy, you still lost to me! Muahaha! (Oops, please don't mind my bragging here my dear friend. I will never be able to win you in HS5 hehe! You know who u are!).

I reinstalled the game last saturday afternoon and played awhile, but I was lagging so bad (dumb SN 1Mbps ADSL) and kept getting disconnected. Ironically, this other player in game introduced me to another dancing game: STEPS. Frustrated I couldn't play HS5 properly, I uninstalled it and downloaded STEPS. STEPS was only slightly better than HS5 in terms of the lag, but still lagging. The songs are quite limited, which I don't know if that is because I'm still like only level 2 in the game. The characters are much more anime-ish, and seem kinda like Audi, only much more like those Taiwanese flashy games.

So today, a friend told me how to resolve the lag problem in HS5. Should I uninstall STEPS and reinstall HS5 using that resolution to see if it works for me? =\ But then again, no more friends in that game to play with that its gonna be boringggg..... *shakes head*

I wanna be "TBAW"

2009-09-18T10:31:00.005+08:00

Ouch! Naw.... don't want anything to be tearing up my heart! lol, new song added because Stella said my music is too rock for her! Ironically, my msn nick states "Emo, I need some rock." So there, a song from HighStreet5, but I chose an old song which I always enjoyed listening and singing my lungs out to, in the emo, "gek"-faced expression. Drama mama! =p Afternote: Wasn't able to upload the N'sync song! :( Hopefully can upload when I get home. The most probably "thing" that would cause me to tear my heart up now in my life would only be work and some sickening peeps in the office. Never fails to get me wondering, if I should do a dangerous move, such as quitting the job and start looking elsewhere without a backup.

So recently I've borrowed some books from SengKang Library. (Was there last Sunday for the Gundam Fair.) I have not done that for a really long time, and I managed to get a "self-help" book titled "The Bitch At Work". Hmm, interesting. Couldn't resist getting my hands on that book. Have only read up to page 93 of the book, and so far, the author had been giving some "rules" and "concepts" of being TBAW. In the book, she explained the definition of "Toxic Niceness". Which made me realize is something I must must must get rid of. Not that I do not enjoy being nice to anyone, but Toxic Niceness is actually a type of niceness to people, which makes it easy for them to walk all over you, and allows yourself to be taken advantage of by others. The author also taught about the "Inner Bitch" in every woman. The Inner Bitch is someone who knows what to say or do, or are just not afraid of expressing their unhappiness or anything that bothered them to anyone, ranging from bosses to husbands.

So, I've been wondering, where have my Inner Bitch gone to? I know I was one in my previous job (lol, I think some of the attachment boys can affirm to that. Miraculously, Mark who is 1 of my attachment boys actually told me recently that he has a nice Team Lead lady for a boss, someone as nice as me.) My previous boss definitely knows I was one. Somehow, sometimes I think he was glad I was one. Being a TBAW definitely has it's pros, sometimes it gets things moving. Instead of everyone just fakingly putting on a smile here and there and pretending nothing is wrong.

So why am I now someone plagued by the Toxic Niceness, instead of still being TBAW? What is here in this job that I'm afraid to voice my opinions and unhappiness? Is it the experience or the amount of time I have in this job? I probably feel I'm not "old-bird" enough to be saying anything. Or maybe I just don't care enough about the work here, that I can't even be bothered to be TBAW. Although, recently I do find myself trying to, and increasingly so, because the thing I hate the most is getting taken advantage of by others unwillingly. And being so unhappy that i always end up singing songs like JT's "What goes around comes around" now with even more heart and soul than I ever did, haha!

The book is interesting in the sense that the author gives alot of examples to explain some of her concepts. The examples are funny, and sometimes make me feel i'm just reading a storybook. But sometimes the examples can be too much, to the point that you'll be taking away the stories, instead of the concepts behind the stories. Anyways, I hope the book will teach me more about being in control of my work life, so that I don't always feel too unhappy. I know I need this book because many people have already been telling me so (yes, it must be that bad.) So til I've officially regained the title of TBAW! ;)

P.S. Never seen someone so excited to be a b***h before lol!

Fried Chicken, Cheesecake & Potato Cake

2009-09-09T10:11:00.003+08:00

And so I was bored and started searching online for some PSP games to play on my way to and from work. PSP Pangya is quite a recent game and its got very good reviews online. The overall graphics also look too cute for me to pass up. So I managed to install it and got hooked! I'm still playing the story line mode, and I love it! The characters are sweet (Fried chicken, cheesecake & potato cake anyone?) and anime-ish. Even the "bad guys" in the story are too cool to dislike.

Maybe I'm just lousy, but I'm currently still stuck in Episode 2, character "Hana". Out of all the storymode characters, my favourite are still Cien and Kaz (Yes, I like cool bad guys with a very emo background story.) Cecilia and her "rounds" with the beer-bellied police uncle and Max are also interesting. Arin's crush on Max is so girlish =p but I really like the sweet happenings between the side characters (caddys like Quma and Tiki). Sometimes some stages can be quite frustrating, especially when you lose just by a little bit, and have to replay all 6 rounds of the contest.

So imagine my surprise when I found out a number of you are playing Pangya on PSP as well! (Yes, Xav and ZR!) =p Guess Singapore is too small and it is easy to find that your friends are doing the same things as you do. But then again, sometimes I feel quite embarrassed playing the game on the MRT on the way to work and back. I could feel cold stares, either from others who might be thinking "This woman is at what age? And still playing on PSP! Goodness!" or from guys who "Hey, that game looks interesting!". There was once I entered the MRT and moved right into the area linking 2 cabins together. I almost wanted to give that part of the train a nickname: "Mobile Gaming Area". Was giggling in my heart, because almost everyone standing in that area with their backs to the wall are playing on their PSPs or DS Lites.

God knows what happened to the online Pangya account which I had about 4 years back? No idea what happened to the online Pangya hosted by Asiasoft as well. (Maybe I can see some updates from Xav's blog.) I want to quickly finish playing Pangya (and know the story along the way) before I can start installing and playing DJ Max Black Square (due to the space constraints of the PSP memory card. But before that, I have to find out how to do that "cheater-bug" move of hole-in-one in Pangya!! XD

ZZZ, birdday & 6 stitches

2009-09-09T09:53:00.003+08:00

I haven't been blogging as much as I would like again..... Don't know if it was just me trying to focus on enjoying more of my life besides work. Or just too many commitments / responsibilities, which totally sucked all the energy out of me haha!

Nowadays, I would feel so tired by as early as 9pm, and totally become a dead log throughout the night. Funny thing is, after all that, I still don't even feel recharged or refreshed. My weekend nights, woah, even more exaggerating. I can sleep for like 12 hours from midnight to 12pm the next day and still feel that sleep is not enough. Gosh, need some way to get rid of all these lethargic-ness before I actually sleep through my weekends every time. Funny how I used to feel that sleeping is a waste of my time in my younger days XD

Quite a number of happenings going on for the past month or so. Celebrated my "bird-day", by going to NTUC and shopping like an auntie for food. Then preparing the food for the BBQ in the afternoon, before BBQ-ing (at a cost of a table) with my family. Yeah, we were quite lucky that the table didn't caught fire. But there is an ugly black burnt gash on the table now, like part of "Deep Inferno" in Pangya. Thankfully, the table wasn't an expensive one, just a make-shift foldable table used outdoors.

Then, about 2 weeks ago, my grandmother woke up early on a Saturday morning, fell and hit her head against one of those tiled corners of the wall on the floor. She had a big big gash on her head, and was bleeding. I literally had a shock when suddenly I got woken up, and saw her crying in pain. It was quite serious, considering it involved a fall on the head and blood. So I drove her, my mum and my aunt to Tan Tock Seng Hospital's A&E immediately. Only 1 other person was allowed into the A&E area with my grandma, so the rest of us waited outside the ward. It was a long gruelling wait for more than 6 hours. She had 6 stitches on her head to sew up the wound, and she was brought to do some x-rays and scans. She looked really tired out when she got pushed out on the medical bed to another department to do the x-ray. My heart really went out to her :( moreover she's my grandma (whom I bear striking resemblance to in terms of looks and character) Thankfully, she is discharged from hospital already. In fact, this morning she had to go to a polyclinic to remove the stitches. I never want to go through that again and pray that she doesn't suffer so much, since she's already so old at 90 years of age. I hope she recovers soon and stays happy!

Teh Ghey Cabal Dance

2009-08-07T17:01:00.002+08:00

Feeling a little cranky today... Hehe! (Maybe it's because its Friday?)
Suddenly thought of this Cabal Dance, which is one of my fave game clips LOL! I luv the first song~ Ding ding dong? XD

Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence

2009-07-24T14:39:00.004+08:00

I remember hearing this song when I was very very young. Therefore, I never really knew the real title of this song. But I knew the tune so well, and for a period of time, I've been trying to find this original version of this "oriental"-sounding song.

I know it had been used in the techno song "Heart of Asia" as a backdrop. Now Utada Hikaru had also used it in one of her new songs in her album "This is the One". "Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence - FYI" was the title of Utada's version. I always wondered why this title? It drew some curiosity from me because my bro's name is in it. Then as always, I relied on Google to find what it really referred to. It's actually the name of a movie, from 1984. And the real original version of this song is by Ryuichi Sakamoto, who was also the one who composed the theme song to the movie "The Last Emperor".

Personally I've watched "The Last Emperor" before when I was very little and my parents brought me to the cinemas. I never really understood what the movie was about, I only knew that the male lead is literally the last emperor, but never knew all the political significance of someone like him. Hopefully now that I'm much older, I can understand all that dramatic emotion expressed in the movie. I remembered the theme song was quite emotional and dramatic, I would get goosebumps whenever I hear it. I get the exact same feeling when I listen to "Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence". But I only discovered recently, they were both composed by the same person, Ryuichi Sakamoto (I guess he's someone really famous.) A very talented and accomplished composer and pianist.

Thumbs up for Utada who did a cover using this song. She did the song proud, a very nice R&B version of the song. Probably the best cover using this song so far!

So I wanna share a vid of Ryuichi Sakamoto playing this song on the piano live. I love this version :) Enjoy~

Bro got married, 20th June.

2009-07-23T15:44:00.016+08:00

Bro got married, sometimes I still can't believe it. Not that I have anything against my Sis-in-Law of course, but his character used to be one which can't really settle down for anything permanent. Or in other words: restless. Heh, I guess the existence of sis-in-law in his life also kinda made him much more settled. But anyways all is good, and I bet my grandma and mother are dying to have great-grandchildren. Hopefully my bro gets a child soon as well, so I can be an official "Auntie" haha!

I didn't really like the whole process of the wedding? I mean, the venues etc is great and glamorous (very much my bro's style.) But in terms of mingling with relatives, nah. Or maybe its their big big day so one tends to feel quite left out, especially for a sibling like myself. Or maybe I think it is very the troublesome to get married lah! XD So erm, here are some pics of my bro and sis-in-law on their wedding day to share! :) P.S. they are like some celebrity couple right? lol!

I like this pic the best, because it looks casual enough, unlike the usual type of wedding pics. No overly lovey dovey stuff. See the teddy bear on the stairs they always carry around with? That's a BigFoot Teddy which I bought for my bro during one of his birthdays a few years back. Later on, they actually got so hooked onto the teddy bear, that they bought alot more of their own! (They even bought clothes for the bears... o.O) But of cos, I will always think the original which I gave is the nicest of all (probably the one they used in their wedding pictures).

They used the BigFoot Teddy again, to be the official ringbearer during their wedding at Sis-in-Law's church. Mr Frodoooooo~~

Bro's car on wedding day. Seldom see his car like this XD.

The Mickey and Minnie mouse which I bought back from Japan last year for them at Tokyo Disneyland. Surprisingly, their wedding attire, color matches exactly! (Take a look at the next pic to check it out.) What a coincidence... only realised on that day itself.

See? Especially bro's grey suit right? Hurhur.... :)

Shifted. On 16th June.

2009-07-22T09:47:00.011+08:00

So why have I been missing and away for soooooooo long? 1 big reason: I've shifted home. Thank goodness it is only a 1-time thing in like 12 years, and I don't think I will be shifting home again anytime soon. All the packing (or rather dumping things into boxes), and unpacking (the yucky part of it), the getting used to the new place, getting all the basic necessities for daily living, getting all the telephone, TV and internet up (my internet speed now sucks =.=), making sure all the basic things are settled and obtained.

Now I'm "supposedly" happier and feel "richer" since I'm living in a "private estate NEW house". But many-a-times, the opposite is true. Private estate? Haha, longer and further travelling & WALKING distance (not that I'm lazy to walk, I like walking, but usually when you wear heels for work, you wouldn't wanna walk very far, trust me. =p) bigger room to clean-up, vacuum, mop, bigger toilet to wash... etc. And then there's the new living with more people in the family. Previously I used to share a unit with my mum only. She's usually not home much, so I always get the whole place to myself. Now there's my Grandma, Aunt, Mum, Bro, Sis-in-Law and the maid. And mind you, they alllllll are not soft-speakers. My room is the closest to the living/dining room and main door. Plus their voice would resonate with the walls. LOL! Goodness. (*sobs* no more late sleeps til the sun reachs more than halfway through the sky.)

I'm so unused to the roads and facilities here. *Gasp* No more auntish-shopping after work at NTUC, or the 2-min walk to a MAC and Cinema where you can even get tickets for the latest Transformers movie during the opening weekend. I think I will rely on the TV and the internet more. Feel kinda cut-out from the world actually, but nowadays the travelling on MRT everyday for 0.5 Hour is actually opening up my eyes to alot of things I've been missing out on for the past 12 years. Er, let's just say the crowd at MRTs and on buses are very different.^^ The way they dress, the way they behave and hold themselves is just....... different.

I guess 1 good thing that comes with this shifting to new home is that, all of us can stay under 1 roof. Which is kinda my grandma's wish all along, to live in a house with all family members. Having a garden is my mum's wish all along though lol! For me, I'm glad that with the larger area, maybe I can rear a dog now (if NOBODY objects, which is gonna be quite a difficult situation.) But then again, SPCA is like just a 5 min-walk away from my place.... duh!

Anyone can recommend any nice places nearby, for a kopi, chitchat or drink? I think I don't even know where is the nearest Mac outlet. ^^;; (Potong Pasir? Serangoon Central? I'm at Bartley.) Bartley MRT station is one of the places I wouldn't wanna walk through too late into the night alone! It's so quiet, and I always end up being the last few people to alight from the train. Plus there are like construction workers hanging around finishing up the Bartley Christian Church. Ok, so that will influence me not to go home too late from now onwards. Btw, there's this house near my home, which I think is very very famous, it even has a name on its own. Its called Loshan Garden, sounds very cheena right? But it actually looks very angmoh-ish. I read a sign outside the house stating that the house is actually solar-powered!

Speaking about new places, there's a new shopping centre near my office "Orchard Central". I really like the sandwiches at Quiznos Subs (rival to Subway?). It's a nice place to slowly enjoy a meal and chit-chat with friends, and it gave me the kinda feeling like I'm somewhere out there (maybe US instead of Singapore?) Coolz! Hope I get to chill-out there again sometime soon.

So there, 1 of the big reasons why I've been missing for so long. Another one of the reasons coming up soon.... hopefully can get it posted tomorrow or something. ;)

P.S. I realized the tone of my writing has changed, to something more.... child-like...... ewww =x Don't know why it's become like this, maybe due to stress.

Happy Birthday Xavier!

2009-07-09T16:51:00.006+08:00

Hope I got this right.... but its your Birthday today rite Xav?^^

Happy Birthday to you! Another year older, another year wiser! May all your hopes and wishes come true ;) Eat more Birthday Cake! (So that you can be what is mentioned in the last pic =p)

Wanted to email Bday e-cards to you but realise I don't have your email address. Couldn't post on your blog either! XD Have fun!

What do you call the 2-months MIA-ist, who has came back?

2009-07-03T10:08:00.001+08:00

Wow, been a super duper long time since I've posted anything or logged into the internet...
Many many major changes in my life. (Which is quite scary, come to think of it.)
I probably need to do a recap of what had been happening so far.... ~_~ (feeling giddy already thinking about it). So here goes and bear with me....

Feels like imsomnia Part 2

2009-05-07T01:43:00.002+08:00

Imsomnia again..... this has been going on quite often recently (I think every night? o.O) My eyes...... are dying......Help! >.< Btw, just noticed Wheesung's handsigns of LOVE are very cool ;p

Feels like imsomnia.....

2009-04-28T00:54:00.002+08:00

Certainly feels like imsomnia for me........ yah I think I need someone to talk to. Sigh. *tries to force herself to sleep although feeling restless*

Gackt - Journey through the Decade

2009-04-28T00:12:00.002+08:00

Gackt's newest single, "Journey through the Decade" is the theme opening song for Kamen Rider Decade. The song is rather nice, but frankly, the PV gave me the goosebumps. Like I was saying earlier on in another post, think he put on some weight? And looks older than before =x He walks around in the PV and stop for certain poses. What is really funny enough though, are the last few seconds when he raised his arms (while um chio-ing?!), making people having the impression he is gonna attack Decade, but threw him something instead. A Gackt card... haha, so that Decade can now transform into Gackt or have some abilities of his? LOL! XD

The young guy acting as Decade reminds me of a certain few boys.... apparently at some point of their lives (or at least only when I know and see them often), they look similar to this Japanese actor. His actions somehow look "toot" to me...for example, when he turned his head in the beginning of the PV, it looked a little bit odd and awkward (like he was wearing an invisible Decade mask already). Haha, but when I think about it, I guess it is suitable for someone acting as Decade. Btw, I never knew what was the story of Kamen Rider.... maybe can try watch the show. But I have to be done with some other anime / dramas that I'm watching nowadays first.

P.S. I think their clothes in this PV is really cool and stylo... ^__^ Nice coats & boots! But then again, I think I could stand the young guy's actions much more when he was in Decade armor. Nice power kick lol.

Friends, foes or just colleagues

2009-04-25T01:14:00.006+08:00

Have you ever watched a drama/show, in which Person A warns Person B of Person C. Then Person B started being wary and suspicious of C's intentions and motives in every move or behaviour? I know I have. Especially recently.

Colleagues SL and LC warned me not to say too much during lunchtime, infront of our usual lunch kakis. Technically speaking, our lunch kakis are all from another team. Both our teams have our own "leaders" WL and IY. WL and IY actually both report to the same boss, our VP. They both may have their own political interests, although most of the time, it seems to me that WL and IY are on very good terms. They are so close that they can even share photo books of their own children.

According to SL and LC, whatever we say during lunchtime about work, will be "forwarded" from some of our lunch kakis to dunno who, and eventually reach the ears of our leader. Frankly speaking, whatever I say during lunch or any other time in the office to anyone, is the truth and my true feelings about that matter at that particular point of time. If it reaches any bosses' ears and I got questioned about it, then I feel "so be it". Why should I have to deny myself of my own feelings or what I feel? I don't think there is anything wrong with complaining / discussing about this or that. I admit I'm a complain queen, but if I got nothing to hide, why worry? If anyone else confronts me, I'll just say what I feel about the issue. I really don't understand what is wrong in doing so.

Perhaps it might offend certain people, but I think I've reached a point where I don't really care anymore. In terms of work, I should be more concerned and worried about myself, how I can get my KPIs done. Not about how others feel about me. Of cos, I'm not saying I should go around offending everyone in the office and making all sorts of enemies. And its not that I go to work everyday to simply work and not make friends. I think I just do not have the time and I'm too busy and tired to be worrying all day about offending this and that person. What's the point? If the person understands, then he/she understands me. Otherwise whatever I say or do, is moot.

So when SL and LC warned me about some of our lunch kakis, I asked them how did they know that people have been feeding back what we say/do during lunch to our boss? They just kept quiet. Ok, it might be because what was fed back to our boss are their own personal matters. Not about me, but about them. So they don't feel really comfortable about sharing this part with me. I do appreciate their kindness for warning me, just in case. When I asked for examples of these "feedback" happenings, I was not trying to prove them wrong. I was just trying to understand what kind of things do they feedback? To me, if they are just harmless facts or jokes, what is so wrong with that? Of cos, if they are malicious talk, which are really aimed at harming others, then yes we should be careful and avoid mixing around too much with such people.

The evening before, SL warned me about J. I told her that I would never expect J to do such a thing. Because to me, J is such a young girl and her character seems so carefree and open... (at least with me). They told me not to underestimate someone due to their age, J is a very observant person. So I have to be careful of my behaviour etc with her. J sits just outside my cubicle and I too know that she is a very observant girl. She can tell when I'm in an irritable mood, sad or talkative mood. All I can say is, I'm a very simple person to read. Emotions show so easily on my face. What can I do about it? Thats just in my character, that I don't hide my real emotions infront of others. I do what I feel like and if anyone is unhappy about it, so be it. I share my feelings easily, especially with people who I deemed as friends. J is able to observe me easily, but I am also able to observe her easily. I don't care even if she and the other lady outside chit-chats, or she surfs the net, chats on msn or reads the newspapers in the office. Why should I feel unhappy about that? Her boss and my boss are simply 2 different persons. If we can complete our own jobs on time and it is ok with our respective bosses, then what is the problem?

I told them the only incident I know of which J feedback to her leader IY, was that day in the office when my supervisor gave me a tongue-trashing. Comparing me with this and that person (who were old birds in the co), questioning why I do not know this and that. I felt I just do not know, simply because I can't memorise so many facts and figures. He accuses me of just doing my work blindly, when in actual fact I do know what I'm doing, it is just that there are so many things, I simply cannot remember to such details, and I would need to refer to my particular piece of work before I can answer anything. I was greatly affected by what he said because as my supervisor, his comments on my work performance mattered to me. I felt hurt because everyday I was working like a dog for at least 12 hours, pushing myself to my limits to complete tasks efficiently and to my best ability, and these unkind words were all I got back in return. There were no words of appreciation at all. Afterwhich of cos, I felt so disappointed that I couldn't control my tears in the office. I too know that it is unprofessional to cry in the office and it wasn't meant to make anyone sympathize with me. It was just so disappointing that as usual, my "tap" turned on by itself and couldn't stop. (Guess I'm a crybaby afterall.)

I went to the toilet, and hid in one of the cubicles to let out some tears. After this, naturally my face was all red, eyes were all swollen. And it happened to be our usual lunchtime then. So I took my wallet etc and wanted to make my way out for lunch with our usual kakis. IY and WL happened to walk pass me at this moment. Of cos they would have eyes to see that my face were all red, and it was so obvious that I had cried. I tried to turn my face away but I know I couldn't hide it completely, then I quickly walked to the toilet again to clean up. IY asked J what happened to me. J of cos knew what was the reason behind this incident because she knew I got a horrible scolding from my supervisor earlier. So she told IY why. (I will not know if J just said it for the sake of letting pple know the reason, or it was that IY was her boss, therefore she HAD to tell her the reason. There is a difference in "have to say" and "want to say".) This was the only incident I know of J telling others about me, which I do not blame her either because c'mon, everyone had eyes to see? Who can I blame? I just blamed myself for not being able to control my "tap". Frankly speaking, I don't really mind people knowing the reason. And so what if IY told WL (my team lead) that I had cried? That was what really happened and there is a reason for everything. If all is going so well and happy, then why would someone from her team be behaving like this? As a boss, she should be concerned why this is happening and how to resolve the issue so that everyone in her team is happy.

I really don't care if my boss thinks I'm a "problematic child" in the team by now. This could be due to IY always showing me concern and trying to provide guidance whenever possible. IY understands my problems and have probably been telling WL alot about me and the problems I face. IY had mentioned a few times to me, jokingly, that I should be in her team. Perhaps she would appreciate a staff like me. One man's food is another man's poison. If my boss thinks because she hears external people talking abt my problems so much, and therefore I'm a problematic one, then perhaps I'm simply not suited to be in her team working for her. Perhaps that is why, the supervisor who gave me a scolding will no longer be my supervisor a month from now. He probably heard it from IY that I broke down like a little girl/kid after hearing "just a few words" from him. He was upfront with me, he told me he was the one who suggested to WL that perhaps I should be under another supervisor because he simply does not know what I'm doing, and his scope of work now does not require someone of my expertise & abilities. Which is true, and I simply do not blame him for "dropping" me to another supervisor. I fully comprehend the rationale behind this move.

Anyway, back to J. SL was rather unhappy yesterday evening, when she asked if I wanted to go home but I told her I was joining J downstairs to see something. Yes SL had warned me of J, but to each his own. To me, when I had totally no friends in the office for the first 2 - 3 months, J was the only one who started talking to me and asking me out for lunch. It was all because of her, that I'm lucky to have such a nice big bunch of kakis to go for lunch with everyday. Had it not been for her generosity to ask me to join them, I think I would still be floating around here and there during lunchtime, without anyone to call a friend. I don't want to sound like I'm coming off as a smug, but I know deep inside how I treat J usually, and vice versa, I also know how she treats me. Maybe I'm just naive like that. I treat her wholeheartedly as a good friend. If she really is like how the others have warned, then I will only believe it when I see it with my own eyes. Sometimes I wonder if my naviety and "foolish" faith in certain things / people is getting the better of me.

When that point of time comes, then at least I could give a reasonable explanation to myself. I have tried to be impartial and gave people like her the benefit of the doubt. For now, there simply was no reason for me to doubt her as a friend.

Dancing Samurai: Gackpoid

2009-04-23T23:58:00.017+08:00

While browsing online hobby websites, came across this Figma figurine which I've seen numerous times at Sunshine Plaza or the Hobby shop at Cineleisure. It looked so cute, but I never really bothered to find out what anime character it was. Was quite tempted to even buy it without knowing what character it was supposed to be. Finally I checked out the name of the figurine and wiki-ed it. Len Kagamine. The cute yellow-haired boy wearing that pair of earphones. And he's not an anime character, he's actually a Vocaloid character.

And what is a vocaloid you may ask? According to Wikipedia, Vocaloid is a singing synthesizer application software developed by Yamaha Corporation. The technology uses specially recorded vocals of voice actors and it enables users to synthesize singing by just typing in lyrics and melody. Wow how cool is that?!

Actually Len has a "twin sister" named Rin. Rin and Len were supposed to mean "Right" and "Left". Not too sure about electronically produced high-pitched japanese female voices, but I'm guessing Len's voice would be at least ok for me. Scrolled down to read on vocaloids in more detail.... and I realised there is a Gackt version vocaloid (at this point of time, I was like OMG, can't miss out on this one for nuts!) Kamui Gakupo 神威がくぽ is the vocaloid's stage name, and he is alternatively referred to as Gakupoid or Gackpoid. Popular manga author of "Berserk" was invited to design Gackpoid's character. I must say it ended up very nicely and appropriately done to fit both Vocaloid and Gackt's personality. He has long purple straight hair (some sort like Gackt's look in acting Uesugi Kenshin?) and carries a katana, which supposedly acts as a musical instrument. Refer to the pic below of Gackpoid on the official Vocaloid 2 website. Cool, very cool.... love the design!

The funny thing with these vocaloid characters, is that each is associated with a type of vegetable. As for Gackpoid, he is associated with a purple eggplant (I wonder which inspired which, the hair to the veg or the veg to the hair hehe =p)

Alot of times, doujins of vocaloid characters are drawn by fans. Even the music / songs fans have created using vocaloid, entirely belongs to the fans who did up the songs themselves! So imagine composing a song and getting Gackt's voice singing it..... o.O This whole thing really opens up alot of avenues and showcases so many wonderful music-making / fan-based drawing and media-creating.

Each vocaloid character have their own most famous songs, created by fans. And the most famous / popular song for Gackpoid is "Dancing Samurai". The tune is uber catchy, and the PVs created on Youtube are super silly and funny. Here's 2 different PV versions of the song "Dancing Samurai", the first one which is nicely created with some parodies and imitations of certain anime characters. (Can you spot them?) and the second one contains hilarious English translation of the song (makes the song alot cuter and funnier!)

I especially enjoy some original music created by talented people, which gave a whole new perspective on Gackt's voice to me. I like the way Gakupo's electronic voice was mixed with these electronic-romance sounding tunes! As compared to the real Gackt's voice, Gakupo sounded more soft and mellow. Kinda sound sweeter and less manly haha! (Don't know if Gackt would be happy to hear that.) Uploaded 3 Gackpoid songs I've found so far which I like very much and also the Dancing Samurai song. Enjoy~ :)

More pics of a fan-drawn Gakupo (*nose-bleeds from the ultra-low hipped pants*) and a Gakupo cosplayer:

Need to update myself on the recent happenings of Gackt and his music soon..... Seems he had released some tribute album to the creater of Gundam (0079 - 0088) and the theme song to Kamen Rider "Journey through the decade". Oh and his face seemed to have grown alot rounder. o.O Maybe its his hairstyle....

Love you forever dearly....

2009-04-23T22:37:00.005+08:00

Another warning: This post is full of choky emotions and maybe slightly religious-sensitive. Again, read at your own risk.

Last Thursday (16th), I woke up feeling slightly feverish... So I decided to take MC from work that day and made my work to see the doc at about 915am. By the time the visit was done, I think it was about maybe half an hour later. Knowing I wouldn't have any food to eat at home, I conveniently went to the NTUC nearby the clinic to buy some food.

Got stopped on the way by a guy who approached me to donate for a President's Charity Flag Day. I was in a rather good mood that day, so I decided to stop and donate. (Hmm, actually the guy is quite cute lah lol!) I reached out to take 1 "flag sticker", but that one got stuck on another sticker.... I ended up pulling 2 off the can at the same time! The donation guy kinda shrugged it off and said its ok if I took 2..... but I separated them and pasted 1 back on his can. Hey, afterall, 1 more sticker could mean more donation money coming in right? Every little bit counts.

At NTUC, I ended up getting raisin buns, Nutella and Pokka Blood Orange juice drink..... I know somehow, the idea of eating these 3 things at the same time is kinda weird^^ Then made my drive back home (managed to borrow vehicle that morning cos bro was flying off to Hong Kong.) Not long after I've reached home, my mum called me on my mobile and said my popo had left us. It was not unexpected, afterall she had been in and out of hospital so often nowadays. And the week before, my mum actually told the rest of my family, that popo most likely could not make it any longer. And that was gonna "clash" because my bro is getting married 2 months down the road.

As usual, I didn't know what to say to my mum when she told me that. She sounded ok over the phone, I guess it is because all her other siblings (my uncles n aunts) were there with her at the hospital. She was not alone.... and I kinda hope and pray popo managed to see all of them, was contented and happy enough before she passed on. I asked mum if they needed me to come over to the hospital but she just told me to stay at home. (Maybe she didn't want me to be reminded of that horrible hospital scene again after a 12-year break.) After hanging up the phone with my mum, (she said she will be staying on in the hospital with the rest to take care of all the after-matters), I went back to my room and soon started crying. I guess death is really something which will still hit me no matter how young I've started experiencing it. 12 years ago it was my Dad, and this was the second time in my life I've experienced the loss of another loved one. I'm sure nothing can really prepare me for this kinda happenings, unless I'm like way in my mid or old age and everyone I know starts to leave one-by-one.

I felt a little odd, probably from being stunned or shellshocked. And yet guilty at the same time for working and doing nothing but work all day long. I haven't seen popo since CNY, at that time, her health already seemed very weak. All of a sudden, her blood sugar level dropped drastically 2 weeks ago and she had to be sent to the hospital. The only thing which I was thankful for, were that actually my uncles, aunties and mum planned to visit Hainan island on Saturday. Therefore my uncle (who was the eldest son) and angmoh aunt-in-law actually came back to S'pore, before they embark on their planned trip to China. And precisely it was because of that, it was rather timely at least my popo passed on while they were around (my uncle could send her off properly). And it was comforting enough for me to know that popo left without much pain and suffering. She never woke up from the low blood sugar 2 weeks ago and on that fateful morning, her heartbeat just went slower and softer until it stopped.

The past week had been rather weird, somber, weak and yet helpless. Had to explain to my sickening boss and director that I could not attend some office event on Friday evening, because I had to rush to my grandmother's wake. My new co is so giam, give only 1 day of compassionate leave for demise of grandparents and yet I have to prove it with a copy of the death certificate. My previous co used to give us 3 days, without any questions asked, much less the copy. And I finally realised nobody in this new co gives a damn, or are generous / thoughtful enough to help collect "white gold" or made an effort to deliver flowers for popo's wake. This co sux in terms of the people, who were supposedly more educated, earns more money and much closer to being Singaporean since there were not many foreigners as staff. Sigh, the days of the wake were also filled with awkward-ness of having "long-time-no-see" people popping up, dirty-looks casted by outsiders when I could not write their chinese names on the attendance list and also feelings of unfairness when this and that relative didn't contribute much to the wake.

Bro who flew to Hong Kong for a biz trip that morning, was only able to reach back in SG on the last night of the wake. And due to the "pan tang-ness" (superstitiousness) of my family, he should not attend the final funeral procession because he's getting married in June. Since he wasn't able to make it for most of the days of the wake, he stayed on the final night from about 11pm to 5am. The latest I stayed on was about 2am, hope my grandma forgives me as I was not keen to stay out so late at the HDB void deck (there were quite alot of construction workers and young punks in that area in Woodlands.)

The procession day was an emotional one, which I didn't expect it to be. It was especially emotional during the final moments we were given to see her, before they close-up and seal the coffin. My uncles, aunties, mum and cousins who all seemed alright for the past few days finally showed their tears. Somehow I couldn't stop recalling my memories of her and grandfather while they were still alive, and how they took such great care of me when I was still a toddler. It was unbearable, and I too cried uncontrollably.

I tried to console myself further on reaching the burial site, by thinking that my grandfather's remains were also at the same Choa Chu Kang cemetery. We threw flowers and sand from the ground onto the coffin. It was my first time doing that and I certainly hope I won't get to do that again. The ceremony was very short and rushed (only half an hour) because the monk had to rush off to another ceremony on his schedule. Weird thing was, we never got to witness the entire coffin covered with sand. I wonder how good a job the casket people would have done, without us being there. True, the monk had to rush off but we could have stayed on longer just to make sure things went right, right? We met with another group of people who were gathered at just 2 spots away and gave each other polite kind nods to each other. Afterall, our loved ones were going to be "neighbours". I told myself that I had to buy one of those paper Mahjong sets / table which I could burn for her, because my popo loved playing mahjong, especially with her friends. Even though popo is not the grandmother who's living with me under the same roof, but nevertheless, still a grandmother to me and nothing less.

I will love and miss you dearly popo...... these flowers were dedicated to you, from the other half of our family.

Detriot Metal City, the Tetrapod Melon Tea

2009-04-23T21:39:00.005+08:00

Erm, read at your own risk... =p There are actually F, P and C words in this post^^!

The first time I actually got to know about this show named "Detriot Metal City", was when I was at Kinokuniya at Liang Court many months ago. I think then the movie was just showing in Japan, there was a TV at Kino showing the trailer for the movie.

On first sight I thought the trailer looks very very funny and interesting lol! And somehow I got drawn to the storyline / background, mainly due to the "metal", "gothic", "cosplay" theme. After that, I tried to google for the movie, and realized it was spun off a manga / anime (why am I not surprised? haha!) Couldn't find the movie, so I settled for watching the anime online instead. Crunchyroll still had it then.... but I think they removed the streaming videos by now. (If anyone is interested, can go to anilinkz.com to watch it)

The anime is one of the most vulgar, yet funniest and amusing anime I've ever watched. I was cursing when I realised there were so few episodes and I had reached the end of the anime so soon. =\ Soichi is hilarious with his penis-shaped hairstyle, and when he sings his overly "sweet" "AMAI" song LOL! Krauser is so cool and funny, I think he is like the epic parody of all things metal and gothic. The middle-aged uncle who plays the masochist pig (buta) was kinda interesting in the story. But I love the Record President the most. Everytime she opens her gab to speak, its always that line... "F***! It made my c*** f***ing wet!". She's very cool and hilarious hahaha...

You know, even someone like me, who used to be so into these metal/rock/j-rock stuff wouldn't get offended by this anime, even though it is so satire. And that is where I think this anime really wins :) (Must recommend this anime/movie to my fellow rocker friends, think they'll flip over their chairs from all the jokes. Hee~) Comparing the movie and the anime, although the movie was funny as well with the "L" guy playing Soichi / Krauser, I think I still preferred the anime. Hmm I guess its because the jokes and laughter didn't take so long for me to react to *shrugs* Maybe I'm just too "stunned" after half a day at work to feel like laughing in the middle of a weekday haha! XD (omg has my life come down to this?)

Since DMC is so music-based, I've uploaded 3 songs which were my favourite from the OST. Satsugai (the chorus is too catchy), Fuckingham (the one will Jack Ill Dark) and one which was surprisingly electronic (Mesu Buta Koukyoukyoku 'Female Pig Symphony'). Actually the rest of the songs in the OST are nice too! But I think I'll spare everyone from having to listen to an entire metal album with vulgarities while reading my blog lol! =p (If you're really interested, I'll send the album over on msn ;) Just let me know!) Death Records Banzai~

Rojak + Lagged + Voice acting

2009-04-01T22:59:00.019+08:00

Harlow, its been quite awhile since I've wrote in this blog again. Lotsa things to catch up on, which I will try to tell everything in one breath, so hang on and bear with me! >.< (which is why this post is titled "rojak + lagged".

Animes, animes, animes..... just finished watching quite a lot of animes these days. Started about a few weeks back, always having anime marathon during weekends. Either that, or I'll be having so many things which I have to do, but so little time. Animes which I've completed and my comments:

1) Fate Stay Night - Yes Xav, I have finally watched this! :p Hmm, I thought the main guy (Shiro) was quite a wimp... =x Overall, I found his "path" throughout the entire anime was "ouch this, ouch that" or trying too hard to be the tough guy when obviously he is not. I don't really get why he always puts himself infront when actually he can help the others alot more by staying away from being hurt and supporting them instead. (In this aspect, I will probably compare him to another character from another anime.)

Saber's really cool though, but I found the "love" between them to be either bitter-sweet, or not convincing enough for me. I still don't think Saber would have loved him and be in a relationship with him. (He seemed too childish?) The ending was a little sad though.... but I too think it would have been better for everyone this way.

2) ToraDora! - One of the funniest anime I have seen in a very long time. The characters are cute and likeable, the jokes are really hilarious, the storyline is fast enough for me (Can't really stand it when storylines keep repeating the same ol things over n over.)
My fave char in this series would have to be Ryuuji. He's such a nice sweet guy who is even willing to sew breast pads for Taiga. Now, how many guys would actually do that?! As compared to Shiro, I don't think Ryuuji is a "wimp" even when he does all the "auntie" things like household chores, looking out for cheap buys at the supermarket, cooking and taking care of the girls. It just feels so sincere, and I'm believe it actually takes more out of a guy to be gentlemanly and sweet, as compared to a role like Shiro's always wanting to act the tough cookie. I'll be soooo lucky if he's my bf!^^ Out of the rest of the characters, Taiga and Ami's roles were quite predictable. But Kitamura and Minorin's were more subtle and interesting to me. Although Minorin can be quite cranky sometimes, it seems to me that she is the most observant and perceptive. Even though the active, sporty people in animes always have shallower characters. Kitamura's story is also quite different from the usual, he's the vice-president for student council but he always has this fun / weird / crazy side to him as well. (Remember Episode 9? The most hilarious one where he appears almost naked!)

Still, like Fate Stay Night, I didn't have a good vibe when the anime was taking a turn towards the end. Where Ryuuji and Taiga inevitably falls in love with each other and end up being a couple. That was quite hard for me to swallow because Taiga looks too much like a xiao mei mei in the anime. If her char looked slightly more mature like Minorin or Ami's, it would have been much better. (Honey & Clover's Hagu also looks too much like a small kid for me to relate any romance to her.) I would have preferred Minorin to end up with Ryuuji, they obviously liked each other. If Minorin had not rejected him because of Taiga, probably they would end up really happy with each other. They both deserve each other because both are really nice people. But of cos, we all know that's not going to be the final pairing, because the anime title is such a no-brainer. Tora = Tiger, Dora = Dragon which obviously meant the 2 main leads.

3) Gundam 00 - This anime has finally come to an end...... but it only leaves the audience craving for more!!! (omg, this is neverending) Why? Because they had to announce that there will be a Gundam 00 movie releasing next year in 2010.

The ending was a good and nice one for me, I think it was cool that Ribbons and Setsuna destroyed each other's Gundam until they had to use the old ones. (lol, talk about being retro!). It was good to see everyone had a good ending eventually, even the guy who killed his own father. The wedding was hilarious (is this the first time I'm seeing anyone in Gundam actually going through a wedding ceremony? o.O) and it was nice how they made "clones" of Ribbons and Anew amongst the crowd during those speeches etc. Setsuna and Lockon continued being with Celestial Being, Tieria's body died but soul combined with Veda. Hallelujah and Marie went off on their own to spend some time together (seems like a peace-searching journey). Billy and Sumeragi ended up together (omg Billy, don't deny that you're so darn happy to be reunited with her! XD Okay, he was even smirking when Bushido appeared behind him.) There was no ending for Felt though..... I always thought someday she would end up being with the younger Lockon (but he had to like Anew this crazily instead. And she had to forget about the older Lockon when there's a total clone flocking around infront of her, that's really difficult.) Oh yah, Setsuna still seems like he ended up girl-less, but there were subtle-ness between Princess Marina and him alright. (1 of those couples where you just feel like banging their heads together and asking them to open their eyes wider.)

I actually prefer-ed the story of Gundam 00 to Gundam Seed because it was less dramatic and more realistic. But of cos, sometimes Gundam Seed really feeds the "emo" side very well^^ Gundam 00 reminds me more of those boyish-mecha cartoons/animes during my time, where they usually have like 4 to 5 members in the good guys' team. I just luv watching shows which emphasize on teamwork instead of 1-person "imba" reign over the rest. (Setsuna was the lead, but he didn't give off a super imbalanced, "immortal"-state as compared to Kira.)

After finishing these 3 animes, I'm kinda stuck on what other anime I should watch again. Maybe continue with Kuroshitsuji, or even La Corda D'Oro?? While stumbling on La Corda D'Oro again, came across the ending theme song "Crescendo" by "Stella Quintet". I thought Stella Quintet was some boyband from Japan. Until I searched youtube for a video of them. Turned out they were those voice actors for the anime, singing the ending theme song. I've uploaded this song into the music player^^

Guess what? Jun Fukuyama was one of the singers! Hehe, not bad, they could all sing quite well....
Maybe anime voice actors normally can sing well because they had to emote so much only from just using their voices.

Speaking of all these talented voice actors, stumbled upon this clip on youtube which I would like to share with you:

I'm sure many people are amazed by Miyano's voice acting of that evil laughter of Light in Deathnote. It almost seemed like their facial expressions were the same! Jun Fukuyama's voice always sounded different to me, although Kei's voice in Special A is quite similar to Lelouch's. And Ryoga's voice actor is so talented! He can voice all 3 characters, Ryoga, the guy in the china uniform and even the black pig! >.< I always knew Edward's voice actor was a lady, but I never thought she also voiced Nana!

I'm actually still quite taken aback, every time I come across finding out who had voice acted as who...... for example:
a) Azuma in La Corda = Shinobu in Junjou Romantica (yes, the gay anime where he plays a 18-year-old in love with his brother-in-law! Uh-oh, too much details?) = Kuran Kaname in Vampire Knight
b) Hihara in La Corda = Tidus in FFX = Pang De in Dynasty Warriors 5
c) Tsuchiura in La Corda = Hiroki in Junjou Romantica (fave char in JR, oops =x) = Rou Ensei in Saiunkoku Monogatari
d) Len Tsukimori in La Corda = Takahiro in Junjou Romantica (okay, the non-gay elder brother)
f) Senri Shiki in Vampire Knight = Hikaru in Ouran = Kira in Gundam Seed!!! (wow O.O)

So basically the song you've heard by Stella Quintet = Kuran Kaname, Tidus, Hiroki, Takahiro and Lelouch! (I'm sure there are more famous chars than Hiroki and Takahiro but thats the best I could associate them with anime characters I know... )

I get really reminded of Taiga's voice when I watch this:

Haha, "Baka-Chi!" =p Love the way she says that......

Found the whole list of Vampire Knight voice actors from crunchyroll: http://www.crunchyroll.com/group/Vampire_knight_foreva/pages/voiceactors4vampireknight
which is quite amazing...

I shall continue to blog on the DMC movie, and some Gundam stuff on the next post! :)

Maybe Tomorrow....... Love Today.

2009-03-23T23:42:00.010+08:00

Just thought I'll share 2 songs with all of you today.

First song: "Maybe Tomorrow" by Stereophonics. It's a pretty old song which I've got a long time ago, happen to stumble upon it on youtube tonight and thought the lyrics pretty much describes me nowadays.

Second song: "Love Today" by Taja. An insert song in Gundam 00 season 1. Love the rhythm of the song, sounds like a heartbeat which is very ept for the song indeed.

Its funny how these 2 songs differ, one talks about tomorrow, one talks about today. One sings of the maybes tomorrow may bring, one sings of the love we learn today. Enjoy~

I've been down and
I'm wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me
With me

It wastes time
And I'd rather be high
Think I'll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They're all free

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upperside of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe

I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me
All me

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home

Sayonara kotoba ja tsunageya shinai
(Farewell; we can't connect or anything with words)
Bokura no mirai ga hanareba nare ni arukidasu
(Our future will begin to walk, scattered)
Kimi to iu hikari ga utsushidashita
(The dreams that search for a place to go in a corner of my heart)
Kokoro no katasumi ikiba wo sagasu yume-tachi
(Reflected the light called "you")
LOVE FOR A DAY kotae ha kitto aruita ashiato no naka ni
(Love for a day: the answer is surely within the walking footprints)
Sumikitta sora wo miagete itoshisa wo kizamikomu
(I'll gaze up at the crystal clear sky and etch my beloved into it)

Tsuki mo naku kaze no tsuyoi yoru ni ha
(On a moonless, windy night,)
Nemurenai mama de amai genjitsu no yume wo daki
(I'll sleeplessly hold my dreams of a sweet reality)
Muriyari nobashita te mo tsukamenu
(A hand that I forcibly stretched out can't gasp it)
Tashikana mono nante kitto doko ni mo nai hazu
(I'm sure that something certain doesn't exist anywhere)
LOVE FOR A DAY hanayagu hi mo shizuka ni itamu yoru mo
(Love for a day: both the brilliant days and quietly hurting nights)
Kakusenai mune no oku no kizuato wo tokihanate
(Release the wounds deep in your breast that you can't hide)

LOVE TODAY kotae ha zutto minareta keshiki no naka ni
(Love today: the answer is surely within the scenery I've always been used to)
Hitokoto tatta hitokoto de kyou made ga kagayakidasu
(One word, with just one word, today will start to shine)

LOVE TODAY kotae ha kitto aruita ashiato no naka ni
(Love today: the answer is surely within the walking footprints)
Sou kimi ni tsutaetai kara kyou made ga kagayakidasu
(One word, with just one word, today will start to shine)

LOVE TODAY kotae ha kitto aruita ashiato no naka ni
(Love today: the answer is surely within the walking footprints)
Sou kimi ni tsutaetai kara kyou made ikita akashi
(Because I want to tell you that, it's the proof that I've lived up 'til today)

LOVE TODAY, LEARN TO LOVE TODAY
(Love today, learn to love today)

It's official...

2009-03-19T23:38:00.002+08:00

Didn't go to work today as I felt so "sick" and tired.... (although I was not running a fever or having some flu.) Ended up sms-ing my boss at 7:30am and went back to bed. But I know I didn't sleep well the entire night, until the last few hours before 11am. Then I hurridly went to visit the doc before they are closed for the morning.

It was quite awkward, the doctor had 2 other female medical students observing him today in the consultation. I told him that I had a very bad migraine last night, felt giddy and felt like vomiting. I also told him that I was very very tired, because I worked very long hours for the past few days, to the extend that last night I thought I could just collapse in the office and die and nobody would know. The doc suddenly started talking to me like a friend, and he put it in a very nice way that I was suffering from anxiety. It could be triggered by unhappiness or being "kan cheong" at work. He said I needed to lower my expectations. We had a long talk, he tried to understand if I had any leave to take, and what I would do during those free time. He gave me many suggestions, which I thought maybe a doc wouldn't be saying. He told me to catch a movie, do some window-shopping, relax myself over the next few days.

He asked if I ever felt like crying, or ever felt fed-up or just felt like dying. Which reminded me that I asked myself why I existed just a day ago. All along my eyes felt a little wet but i tried not to let my tears roll. But I just couldn't understand why after hearing him ask if I ever felt like dying, my tears just "flushed out" uncontrollably. I felt extremely embarrassed because there were 2 medical female students there observing us. (at least I should be thankful they're not guys?) I was glad the doc was so patient with me today as he offered me tissue and continued talking to me while I was busy trying to wipe my eyes.

Anyways, after everything that he had said, it finally dawned on me that it was depression again. It was just he didn't use that word infront of me. He tried to encourage me and said it is just a medical condition which can be cured with medication. He told me many people have been able to get well / better and he believe I can get better. I did tell him I had depression for quite a long while during my teens. He said he strongly believes if I could get over it then, I can do it again now. I could see he was sincere about it. He was insistent that I should take 2 days mc, have a good break for these 2 days and over the weekend. Although I told him that I need to go back to the office tomorrow to complete some work for other colleagues dependent on me. Maybe I'll try to complete those work as soon as possible in the morning and continue to take the rest of the day on mc (i.e. if my boss doesn't scream at me).

I felt time passed very fast today... slept for a very long time during the afternoon to late evening. I just took the medication for depression. I guess I'll sleep early tonight, still gotta go work tomorrow. I hope I don't get laughed at for being so emo or overly personal on this blog. As much as I like to be talking about fun, otaku-ish things... eventually, this blog is a personal avenue for me to write about my feelings so I don't feel cooped up inside. Which at this point of time, is rather important for me.

Gundam Figurines

2009-03-18T00:35:00.012+08:00

Remember that Setsuna Resin Kit which I featured a few posts back and talked about it missing from the Sunshine Plaza shop's display? LOL! Well, what a small world it actually turns out to be? Because I was trying to search online for a different picture of that Setsuna figurine, then I stumbled upon Besessenheit's livejournal. To my amazement, I actually found the owner of THE Setsuna figurine! Woah..... I mean I seriously would never have thought I would be able to communicate with the actual person who bought it, brought it in from Japan during her trip last year, (Hey, actually I was there like the last week of Sept 08. Think that was really close to when she was there!) and got "M-workshop" to paint the resin kit by a professional! (was that the correct name of the shop?)

As corny as it sounds, I guess there really was a very rare chance for someone to know someone else from the net due to a certain something (lol tongue-tied?)... and that something is not an item which a person is putting on sale to another person. Anyway, thank you Bese for giving me those suggestions on where I could possibly lay my hands on a Setsuna Resin Kit as well! :)

I tried going down to La Tendo at Kallang LeisureMall 2 weekends ago, and yes they were selling Gundam 00 Voice I-dolls as well! (And also the Code Geass ones o.O) But they were rather expensive, for a set of 5 of them, it costs $60. So I took my time to deliberate if I wanted them that badly for me to spend that kind of money. (Or actually I was more concerned after buying them, where in the world could I put them up for display? Not much space left in my current room >.< ) Unfortunately, they were not selling a Gundam Seed Petit Series of Cagalli which I like very much. (Bottom right of the pic, where she's holding a pistol) Only place later on where I found selling this series was Suntec, but I didn't want to take the risk of ending up with another character because that's the only one I like. Sadly they don't identify which char it is like some places do with the "tick" on the box.

Then I also went on a "crazy frenzy" during the past few weekends, always going to the usual places to look at anime figurines like Sunshine Plaza, PS, Bras Basah, Suntec and even online sites just to find figurines which I like. (Especially the I-dolls and petit series!) I sure took many many looks at these figurines. I remembered I wanted to post up pics of some Gundam figures which I currently have! So here goes... :)

Kira Yamato. To be frank, I never really liked Kira and his overly-pink girlfriend in Gundam Seed (Ok, I know her name is Lux?) In fact, I'm kinda anti-kira/lux normally because he seems overly "imba" in the story. And erm, he's always in the way of my fave char Asuran/Athrun. She is exactly the kind of girl who puts me off? (The fragile, princess in distress =.=) But oh well lol! I got this "ancient" 2005 voice i-doll from Comics Connection at PS just this past weekend, it went for "3 at $10"! I thought that was too difficult a bargain to forgo, even though the paper box was badly crumpled and torn. This doll says "Daijobu, daijobu dakara." when you press on the button. I actually thought that was kinda cute, makes me wonder do they actually sound cute on other i-dolls as well.

Too bad they didn't have any other i-dolls for me to choose the other 2 items from to make up the total 3 items. Eventually, decided on a uniformed Ramius sitting proudly on a chair and another figurine from Code Geass which I would not be showing here yet. I chose Ramius because I thought it wouldn't be too common for a bigger scale and nicer figurine of her to be available in the market, as compared to the other characters.

The first Gundam model shown here is the Destiny Gundam piloted by Shinn. (Oh I love those pink translucent butterfly wings =p) Doesn't it look stylo in this "hardo-gay's say say say" pose? lol!!

Next up would be the Double 00 Raiser also in BB form! (For once, I was glad I could use that black diary book which co gave us, because it gives a nice background I could use to hide all my clutters.) If I were ever to own a Setsuna voice i-doll, I'll make sure to take a pic of both together.... that would be really cute ;)

Lastly, I dropped by Taka for the Gundam Sale on Saturday... too bad I didn't have a Takashimaya card in order to enjoy additional 10% on the 20% off sale. So I just got this set of 2 1/100 model kits for a price of $49.90. (That means each one cost about $25, which is cheap... normally one of that size may cost from $30+ to $50). Both model kits in this set are pink, one's a Gunner Zaku Warrior piloted by Lunamaria Hawke, and the other is a Justice Gundam piloted by Asrun. I think probably the reason why they have a large supply of these pink models was due to the color. Not many pple would buy pink ones I guess....

I've finished building the Zaku cos the box was already not wrapped in the transparent plastic. It was my first time building a model on a scale of 1/100, but I guess the usual basics of building models of other sizes are there. Just takes more time as compared to a BB model. I'll post a pic again later on the Justice when I find the time to start building it :)

So how does it look? I thought it was quite refreshing for a change to be building a Zaku instead of a Gundam. Not to mention the gunner weapon with the tying of the red string was kinda challenging.

I hope the lady whom approached me for some advice on a present for her friend's 6 year-old boy was able to buy a suitable gundam for the boy. She asked how do I select which gundam to buy when she spotted me going round that area with gundams going for "70% off". She even asked if it was simple enough for a 6-year old child to know how to build. I explained to her maybe it might take some guidance from an adult, because the instructions are usually in Japanese, with numberings and pictures. And I also directed her to the Gundam 00 models because I guess kids would like the latest toys always? (or at least when I was a kid, I always prefer the latest toys =x) I kinda gave her another pretty weird advice..... which was to choose the blue colored gundam because usually that is the one which belongs to the "main hero". Hmm.................. wat the?

Ok, I've finally blogged to my heart's content for tonight! (of cos, its 2am! omg XD) I actually feel much happier by now :) Guess all these take away my worries and unhappiness, at least, for the night.

Why do I exist in this world?

2009-03-17T23:23:00.005+08:00

Its been quite long since I've updated this blog (or at least that's how it felt like to me, AGES =.=) Somehow with all the "non-human" hours I've put into my work and job for the past few days / weeks, I'm beginning to feel is it all even worth it. It'll be nice if there is some recognition or support or encouragement from boss or even fellow colleagues, but these are not only not forth-coming, I'll be counting my lucky stars if I do not have to face pple who criticize this and that of me or my work.

Almost 12 hours everyday without fail, sacrificing weekends to work as a "promoter" of my co's products when my job scope is not even sales (for goodness' sakes, I actually work in a very different occupation as compared to sales), I'm beginning to think where is my own personal life? Why am I putting so much effort into working so hard? I know the recession and economy is at an all-time low now, thousands of people have lost their jobs. Yet, sometimes deep inside of me, I actually wished I can be jobless, so that I can have some free time to myself, to regain whatever health I've lost because of work, to gain happiness or just simply do things that I would like to. I think I need to "force" myself to take a break. 4+ years without a proper break perhaps is really breaking me (no pun intended! XD)

Since last week, there was this woman at work from this other department who called me up to ask me to do this and that. Initially, since I was still pretty new in this company, I thought my job scope included having to help her with her requirements. But to my shock, I actually found out from other "old-bird" colleagues that this woman should have a TEAM of pple who are supposed to support such requirements from staff in her department. Whereas in my dept, I support my other colleagues in my dept, and I don't have a TEAM of pple to work with, it's only me, myself and I (1-woman show all the time, don't even think about my boss helping me, dun get scolding from him is already good enough). I must admit sometimes I get external-dept requests, which of cos I obliged. But also, it depends on my schedule and the actual request.

I've actually done what this woman wanted, and boy I must say she is pretty damn greedy. "EVERYTHING" also want... ok fine, I give what I could since I'm sure more information is useful for her. I even went the extra mile to include OTHER information which she initially didn't request for, but I've included them because I think they might be good reference for her. But I think it is really the last straw when she starts questioning why I was not able to obtain certain other data for her, and stubbornly / disrespectfully insists that it is impossible that I do not have the data, even after I've tried to explain the reasons to her. After going thru such pains to extract the data, write-up a lengthy email to explain the findings to her.... and all I get in return is not even a word of thanks, but unreasonable "why cannot this! why cannot that!" I just feel like jolly-well telling her in the face, "Look, if you think you can do it better than me, why don't you do it yourself?"

In the first place was I even supposed to oblige to her requests? If I start doing that for every other dept in my co, I think I'll just die. (The co is huge, easily the largest sg co.) For someone who does not take the effort to read my emails, or try to understand where I'm coming from, why should I recipocate? She even went off on the phone earlier "Then why does your boss tell me you will be able to do this?" Gees, it is a reality of life that most likely, my boss will not know how to do what I do either. What makes her think that my boss is 100% right? If I say I can't do it and have no ways of finding a way to, then it is true. Why do people disbelieve me? What have I got to gain from hiding certain information from her? If I had a choice, I rather have access to all these and just shut her off from her unreasonable attitude. I hope she just bugs off and leave me alone from now onwards and hopes she knows her place from now on. If she uses my boss's name again to put pressure on me, then so be it. Even if I receive complains from her to my team lead, director, VP etc, so be it. I believe in cases like these, I have no choice but to fend myself. I think I owe myself at least this much when most other times, I'm "abusing" myself to no end.

Sometimes I get too emo and start asking myself, "work so hard for what? live until so painfully for?" Which is true and sometimes helps to put back perspective in my life. If I end up working 12 hours a day, go home, barely get to spend sometime to relax myself, sleep and wake up early to go to work the next day, then I'm just behaving like a robot/machine. I know some pple will tell me don't be silly, the reason I'm working so hard is for my future. But honestly, there are so many unknowns in this world, for all you know the person might cease to exist tomorrow. Then wouldn't the life gone thru be such a regret? Of cos, when you face happy moments in your life, one might think that everything else that he/she had to go through to reach that stage was worth it. So I think the answer to the question in the title is to go through all the wonderful journeys of life and enjoy the happiness with loved ones. To do that, we inevitably need money in this world. So maybe it is just striking a balance between the means to earn money(job), the money earned and the time for family/friends/personal commitments. When would be sacrificing too much?

Stress & Dead-tired

2009-03-12T00:54:00.003+08:00

I think today was the most stressful day at work ever in this company for me. (Of cos still cannot be compared to my ex-company.)

I feel so alone in my job because I'm the only one in the entire department, in a supportive role. Okay, I know I should be so used to play a part of the support role (always Priest in any mmorpg lol! XD).... but this is seriously killing me. Everything just seems to be crashing down upon me for these 2 days at work. People I'm supporting just keep coming back to me with refinements and requests. All of a sudden, I end up having to support pple OUTSIDE of my department. And it doesn't help that others outside kept pushing their requestors to approach me instead of them! (Taiji move?)

2 nights of OT (not like I haven't done that before) with no dinner and barely any lunch (I can't eat much when I'm stressed). I just hope someone in my company or dept have eyes to see and have the heart to care enough for my work conditions. I know my boss will not appreciate even if I slog til like there's no tomorrow for work. Sigh, I have to wake up earlier tomorrow for training. I hope nobody calls and disturbs me for the next 2 days, but I bet there are definitely gonna be pple who do that....

I don't know if I'm making any sense here, but I need to rant all these frustrations out of my system before I retire for the night. I hope I can post something more jovial and happy for my next blog post.... isn't it pathetic when we're always just living for the weekends / lunch breaks to arrive? Rhap says its worse if we're just clockwatchers. But I think I'm having a life worse than a clockwatcher.... being this report/statistics generating machine, whom everyone thinks will automatically cough out some deliverables with just an easy click of a button. Sigh.................... maybe I should really take up some figurine-painting lessons.

Tagged? o.O

2009-03-10T23:13:00.004+08:00

Got tagged by Xavier to answer these questions... but I was wondering who can I eventually pass them on to, because not all friends read or are aware of this blog^^

1.Who's the person who tagged you?

Xavier

2.Relationship between you and him/her?

My couple in Audition? XD

3. 5 impressions of him/her?
1) Cute
2) Fun
3) Joyful
4) Nice guy
5) Loves Shana to bits!

4. If he/she becomes your enemy you will?

I will probably kill myself from thinking, why in the world would that happen?... Most probably that's not possible, nothing for us to fight over. Right Xav? =)

5.What will you say to a person you like very much?

"Hi xxx, lol! How are u?"... or maybe I just don't say anything much to a person I like, I just keep it to myself =x

6.A characteristic i like about myself

I don't really know my characteristics, so maybe someone can point them out to me? Perhaps my independence.

7.A characteristic i hate about myself

Quick-tempered and demanding, especially after a long hard day at work.

8.For the persom whom you hate, you say?

Don't provoke me... or else.........

9.What do you feel about yourself?

That is too vague a qns, I feel 101 things about myself. Most common things I feel about myself, tired, happy-go-lucky, pessimistic, too soft-hearted, consider too much for others, mean, selfish, generous, sad, easily cheered-up, fun-loving, likes intellectual stuff, depressed, act cute, unsatisfied, trustworthy, reliable.

10.Your Crush?

More like my obssession.... for now it would be Setsuna. I seriously need to find some other things / people to be the target of my uncontrollable, over-flowing "crush" feelings. No, not se7en again. XD

11.Most ideal person you wanna be?

Hmm.... a rock star! Yeah! (ok ok, a singer)

Pass this to 10 ppl:

1.Ashlynne (Ah-Li)

2.Xavier

3.ZR (Kyosuke/Frontier)

4.Rhap

5.Weiling

6.Lulu Bro

7.Dan

8.Hyde

9.Gackt

10.Miyano Mamoru (ok i'm just kiddin for last 3 persons, it would not ever be possible)

13. If 5(Weiling) and 7(Dan) were together?

I think they'll probably be like the sweetest couple ever.... and I'll be so darn jealous. lol!

14.Who does 5(Weiling) like?

Of cos her hubby and son... Arthur and Austin.

15.What colour does 9(Gackt) like?

White? or Black?

16.Say something to 8(Hyde)

Haido-san, I wanna be a singer just like you! (Does it help that I look abit ang moh-ish like you??)

17.Who is 2(Xavier)

TigerBunny.... a very nice friend I got to know from the game Audition. ^__^

18.Talk about 3(ZR)
Know him for the past 2-3 years from Audi like the rest of the Seafoodies gang? A very down-to-earth guy, but yet can talk lotssss of crap in game. Hope he becomes a game programmer/designer like he always wanted to.

19.Who is 10(Miyano Mamoru)'s best friend?

That would be Setsuna, Zero, Light Yagami, Tamaki and Sho Fuwa's best friend... hmm.... or maybe all these are his best friends.

20. Whos the sexiest among the 10?

Gotta be Gackt.... he can be sexy to both females and males.^^

21.What colour does 4(Rhap) Likes

Seriously I don't know... maybe blue?

22.Is 4(Rhap) single?

Yup, ironically, he just told me he's single like a minute ago on msn.

23.Your Relationship with 1(Ashlynne)

Got to know her about 10 years ago, while working together at Coffee Bean. She's my best buddy and good friend ever since!

24.Are 5(Weiling) and 6(Lulu Bro) best friends?

I don't think they know each other.....

25.9(Gackt) nickname?

Ga-ku-to? No idea man...

26.7(Dan) Surname

Park! =p (I'm so proud to know it lol)

27. Say sth to 4(Rhap)

I saw you the other day at Vivo, I think you walked pass me.... XD considering we haven't seen each other in years.

28.Say sth to 10(Miyano Mamoru)

Ok, I'm starting to regret putting him as #10. Too many questions involving him. I would say "I think your voice is sexy!!!" o.O

29.Who does 1(Ashlynne) admire

Not sure....

30.Where does 8(Hyde) Lives?

*cough* Like I would know...... Japan? ROFL!

31.Among all of them, who do u like?

I like all... except Miyano Mamoru.... because I don't know enough of his character to like him as a person.

32.Say sth to 6(Lulu Bro) when you see him/her

Bak Ku Teh at Balestier for you?

33.10(Miyano Mamoru)'s spouse?

No idea who she is... but yeah he is married alright, with a kid! ^__^ Hopes he / she becomes the next iconic voice actor.

There you go... my response to being tagged! :) Pass it on please~~

Shin'ichiro Miki come across Lockon Stratos

2009-03-06T23:38:00.007+08:00

Yo ZR bro.... (yo you back BRO! XD) as I was saying in one of the chat posts, you should listen to the songs that "Lockon" sang cos those songs make him look even cooler / more stylo right? So here are the 2 songs which were sung by Lockon's voice actor, from a Gundam 00 single.

The first song in this blog was about "Soup", a song by Setsuna's voice actor Miyano Mamoru. For each of these Gundam Meisters, there is a single released with 2 songs sung by their voice actors. I personally like these 2 songs for Lockon, they sounded good to me and gave a very different "feel" as compared to Setsuna's 2 songs. I've added the songs into my imeem playlist here, so anyone can just listen to them while reading this blog post. :)

The title of the first song is "Towa no Rasen", I wouldn't say this song is entirely rock. But it was definitely more rock than pop. Maybe cos its not the "noisy" shouting/screaming kinda rock, so I still find it quite tame^^ But still I enjoy it. Which of the Lockon brothers would you imagine to be the one singing this? Elder or younger?

The title of the second song is "Answer" (have the answer to the question above yet? lol!) I'm blown away by this song. Initially it sounded awfully weird and "in its own world". (who would understand such lyrics, half-dead voice tone and rhythm??) But then, after a few more listens it just grows on you. Wow... Jap rapping... in that non-chalent voice tone with v simple drum and bass beats which sounds damn cool. Omg, this is such a wonderful song! I really wonder if Lockon Stratos would sing such a song like this. So which of the brothers do you think would have sung this really?

I think most pple would answer "elder" for the first song and "younger" for the second song? Cos most's impression of the elder is much more "sensible" and wouldn't have much of a chance singing a song like "Answer" because it sounds so "rebellious". I don't know if any of you will understand what I'm saying... XD

But somehow, somewhere deep, I have a feeling... that the elder Lockon would sing "Answer". I just don't know why. Maybe its something to do with the way he died... or those emotions he had bottled-up, even though most of the time, he seems to be the sensible guy. Haha, I'm getting EMO thinking and analysing about these... oh well, just enjoy the songs!

Gender and the Tomboy

2009-03-05T12:18:00.003+08:00

Went totally off-topic below, while writing about something else. For those who do not mind reading my rantings of childhood/family, or me just talking about me, me and more me (so self-centred and ego lol!) Enter at yr own risk! XD

......................... (blah blah blah)

Even though the family is a typical traditional one, where males are usually more pampered because they carry on the family surname, even though since young there has been constant biased-ness and extra care & concern shown to my brother instead of me, I don't blame her at all. It is not the fault of people of her generation. They were educated to believe/behave this way... and as for me myself? I just had to accept the harsh realities of life, bite my lips and move on. Sometimes my family tease me for being such a fierce person. But I guess many a times they do not realise the reason behind it.

I'm the youngest and a girl in the family, where usually there is no right to anything in a traditional chinese family. As people would oftenly put, "daughters are like water thrown away". For all these years, I had to "strive" and "stand up", to make them pay attention to my opinions or notice me. I've never had good things coming my way, not as easy as my bro does. Most of the time I actually had to "fight" or argue for my rights at home. I guess that actually caused me to be who I am today.... I'm a "fighter" and I always will be one. Whenever I get bullied or repressed, I'll just turn into this rebellious, defensive brat, just to shelter/protect myself. It is in my instincts to do so, of cos I did not deliberately want to be like this. But I find it is necessary for me to survive, to deflect all the ridiculous notions of others forcing their opinions onto me.

(E.g. I find it EXTREMELY annoying, when my mum calls me up during working hours to ask me about trivial stuffs, and then she makes the excuse she's not disturbing bro because he is a very busy man, meeting lawyers and top executives. God.... I know I'm not as highly-paid as my bro, but please... my job is a job too. It doesn't necessarily mean just because I'm female, I have a easier time at work. Even if I get home earlier than bro, it doesn't mean I had to work any lesser. It is a completely subjective issue isn't it? Work can mean anything to anyone, however they think it.)

Sometimes I wonder if I'll be so much better off if I'm just a guy. I would get the same amount of attention and care from my family because then there would be 2 boys to continue the family surname. (and usually the younger boy seems to be more spoilt lol!)

My character has always been more guy-ish than girly. I don't like to go shopping (rare to find girls who don't?) and don't really care about fashion. In the family, opposite to usual norms, I'm the techie engineer... always getting relatives asking me about electronic/computer/programming stuffs and my bro is into business / finance. (usually the girls are into business/finance/accountancy, and guys engineering.)

I'm the "Otaku" who's into Jap anime/manga, gaming, gundams, Onitsuka Tiger sneakers and what-nots. (In the past when these Jap culture are not that common and popular amongst girls yet, I get hard stares from guys just by walking into a shop selling Japanese manga.) I have a big hearty non-picky appetite, comparable to many guys (girls nowadays eat like little birds =.=)

I play SEGA and Nintendo consoles with my cousins when I was a kid. I do play my barbie dolls too but I enjoy gaming muchhhhhh more than dolls. I get into physical fights with my bro, never giving up just because of my gender or that it is nature that made it the way females are physically weaker than males. I'm the J-rocker who's into all that male-dominated band-jamming at studios and listening to "noisy" rock music. (Brother used to blast all his heavy metal music at home, until I know all those Metallica songs by heart. If you cannot beat em, join em! XD) Ninja Turtles, Transformers, He-man... Ok, you get my point. Logically I seem so much more like a guy than a girl. If I were to have a collection, it would be more of Gundam figurines/robots, as compared to bro's collection of teddy bears.

I know there are some guys out there who are surprised when they realise there is a woman who actually may know more IT stuff than they do. There was once my bro wanted to buy a new laptop at the IT fair. He dragged me along to help him choose one. Ended up I was firing qns to the salesmen which they just do not expect a girl to ask / know. They had this look of shock in their face. My bro is a person with very high expectations, and he commended me on that laptop-buying trip. He admitted that if he were there all alone, he would not know what to ask, and what to look out for. He was glad I was there to find out all these for him and made him realise certain aspects of a laptop which did not cross his mind. I just find it funny when pple try to throw me off with very simple, basic or unrelated explanations to the laptops they are trying to sell, and expect me to buy those answers. =p Naughty me... I feel aloof because pple stereotype girls, that they don't know anything much about IT. It is this "looking-down" attitude which will only bring up the "eat-yr-hearts-out guys, I know more about IT than YOU!" feelings in me. See, I'm rebellious! Oops.... =x

A few years ago my graphic card went dead and I actually did my own research and tried to send it for repairs. Before that I exchanged a few messages with the IT-in-charge guy to discuss further about repairations and troubleshooting. When I brought the card in for repairs, he actually asked me in my face, how did I know all those things that I knew? I said I'm in the IT line too. But he went on saying "Usually no girls know so much about these computer / graphic card things and terms." Maybe I'm supposed to feel flattered, since I fall into the category of "unusual girl". Or maybe I'm just a guy in a girl's body............ O.O

Hey, my bro used to comment IF I were a guy, I would have melted many-a-girls' hearts with those dimples (Jimmy Lin anyone?). Funnily, more than half of me agrees what my bro said is true! Haha... sheesh, is it too late for me to have a gender-change in Thailand now? XD But if I were to be a guy, I would not like the typical cute, sweet girls that usually guys go for. A girl would have to be as suave as a Nana-type for me to be attracted to her. No whiny voices, no throwing of silly girly tempers, no frilly revealing dresses. The "cutest" girl which I probably can stand is the Kagari-type. The princessy, missy Lux-type turns me off tremendously. Maybe it is this part of me which is preventing myself from becoming a butch, because I can't see myself doing stupid things for a pretty, cute, sweet girl, nor dress up like a guy just to do so.

It is funny how a person's sexuality and gender can affect a person so much. Have you ever wondered what if you're a member of the opposite sex? How would you and your character turn out to be?

Grandparents, Panda Eyes and Bitten Lips

2009-03-05T10:20:00.005+08:00

Woke up 15 minutes later today... as yet again I'm totally exhausted. Every week I would find myself getting drained as the week progresses from Mondays to Fridays.

Stayed and OT in the office last night til about 10+. Frankly it is not the latest I've worked but of cos, nobody likes working OT... unless they are workaholics. I don't want to be one and I hope I don't end up as one (because there is no personal life for workaholics). But sometimes I wonder if I'm slowly turning into one.

Couldn't sleep the night before and ended up flipping around in bed for 2 hours. Got up to go to the restroom and saw my mum was not asleep either. She told me that grandmother was in hospital again, and this time it did not sound too good. The doctor said her internal organs were "inflammed" and it seemed that she would not last any longer than a week. Initially I went speechless and didn't know what to say to my mum. A thought came to my mind that I hope, what is happening to my mum now would not happen to me in future. =( I imagined and put myself in her shoes too much that sometimes such thoughts only scare myself to the extreme.

In the end, I wept myself to sleep thinking about all the bad things that could happen. Even though I've experienced the loss of a loved one 12 years ago, I guess nothing can still prepare me if the worst happens. And then I started thinking about my other grandmother living with me. We've lived together under the same roof for 20 years now, I don't know what will happen if I actually lost her. Eventually I tried to stop myself from the tears and said some prayers to higher beings and my dad to help protect my family, especially my grandmothers.

Last night was another extremely late night til about 2+am for me. But I'll explain the reason on another post. This post is supposed to be about my grandparents (oh yah, both grandfathers passed on way earlier than my grandmothers. Guess it is a proven scientific fact that women do have longer lifespans than their male counterparts.), my panda eyes (self-explanatory why I'm having that) and my bitten lips (moving on to that in a jiffy!)....

I bit my lips about 5 to 6 times this morning while eating that tough bak kwa with bread =.= (I hate bak kwa, why do others like it so much and assume that I like it too?) The first few times were like ouch, then later on, I was thoroughly pissed and irritated. Now my lips are sore and swollen, and I don't wanna get an ulcer at that spot. Not when I have to be standing around, talking to customers for the next 2 days at the sales fair.

Mood: sad, moody, irritable

Hand Painted Figurines

2009-03-05T00:58:00.004+08:00

I can look at this all day and won't get sick of it.......

Okay okay, maybe I will, but I definitely won't get sick of it now! Because I'm so upset!.... saw this beautiful hand-painted figurine of our dearest Setsuna F Seiei a few weeks ago at a hobby shop, at Sunshine Plaza (facing Parklane). It was inside the display glass cabinet, as it was evening and there were still people in the shop (although it says "Closed" outside), I couldn't really get a good look at it. Even if I could, I still feel like hitting myself on the head, for not taking a pic of it with my mobile phone (I'm sure the shop owner would forgive me since I'm female right right? >.<) Now I feel so regrettable :( And worse of all, when I went there again last Saturday, the figurine was gone!!!.... yes... goneeeeeee.... foreverrrrr.... T.T nuuuuuu

Then I desperately try to find a pic of it online. Initially couldn't find it anywhere, they were all selling the chibi ones (those are cute too!) until I stumbled across this website selling this "Hand Painted Garage Kit Resin Figurine".... guess how much they are selling this baby for? US$249. Which is roughly about S$400 to 500. OMG, dun tell me someone bought it off the shop for that kinda price. (I doubt I would ever ever ever spend 500 bucks just for a Setsuna Figurine =.=). Sigh, no luck looking for this figurine inside the store either (nope, not even a unpainted one...) Well, not like I know how to paint one but, a plain one is something I could start on. And there is always a first try to everything.... *shrugs*

At least managed to see a Lelouch Figurine sold at the shop beside the Gundam shop. Think it cost $50 for that. The neko figurine which could wear Zero's helmet was cute ^__^ Actually I was considering whether to buy that. But Lelouch doesn't really look very accurate on that figurine. (I'm soooo darn picky aren't i?) "She Mo Dian" has shifted to another unit in the same building. The new unit seems alot smaller than the previous one. And I spotted Xavier's "Hayate Yagami" figurine there... got a glance on the price tag..... "$150". I guess the price is ok for such a nice, large figure. If this garage kit resin figurine of Setsuna cost $150, I think I might just buy it.... just to pamper myself =x I dun know why the craze over Setsuna, to tell the truth, I think I prefer Lockon (elder one) better.... Maybe Setsuna's madness over Gundam had caught on me. "I AM GUNDAM!" ^^;;;; Some things/pple just grow on to you when you least expect it. Or maybe I'm just too mesmerized by the perfect painting and the figurine's eyes.....

Too bad recently many people are snatching up all the Gundam 00 stuff everywhere I go. Next aim to slowly buy would be the Gundam 00 Raiser (3-in-1), then slowly all the other Gundams of the other characters as well. Probably the Chibi I-Dolls if they are ever sold anywhere here in Singapore. I'll try to take some nice pics of toys that I have and upload them here someday. :)

Hmm meanwhile, painting lessons?? But its mostly a "guys world" here for painting figurines.... and the "Otakus" who usually teach or attend such lessons are kinda scary... They're like uncles who blatently admit aloud they go to Taka to ogle at xiao mei meis in short uniform skirts... ewwwww.. =x No offense, but it would make me very uncomfortable to know that and still be learning how to paint from them. Maybe can ask friends / relatives who do know how to paint... will feel much safer^^

Mood: Excited, sleepless
Music: Shakugan no Shana - Triangle

Basilisk

2009-03-02T23:09:00.004+08:00

I think i had better do a little mini review of "Basilisk" before I forget all about the story and characters. First thing that comes to my mind about this anime? Hmm, its full of ecchi stuff??? LOL! Then again, it is exactly this point which makes the anime realistic, in my opinion. All those guesses I had in my mind, when Okoi was gonna be "touched" sooner or later, Oboro was about to be raped when Tenzen wanted to have a 1-to-1 talk with her and this Kagerou getting raped by Tenzen (to his pleasure and dismay of dying from her poison XD). Oh and all the boobie-grabbings >.<
But of cos I think the anime is not without its redeems and as a female species, I actually liked the anime for its other aspects. I think the couple pairings in this story are very touching (although I'm kinda sick of the Oboro-Gennosuke pairing, because that is like a typical Romeo-Juliet story which is so common in other stories *yawn*).

Needless to say, I think Hotarubi and Yashamaru's story is very sad and bitter-sweet. Guy was happy he got chosen to represent his clan, unknown to him that it would be the last time he sees his lover and vice-versa. He died but all along his lover was thinking of him and praying for his safety. Even after she found out that he is gone, she was thinking of avenging him. Some might think this is a very stupid and dumb notion, but I think it takes great courage. Even to her last breath, she was thinking and longing for him, to the point even the enemy who killed her could understand her sad feelings. It was so sad seeing the 2 butterflies fly away becos both have died, but there was a bitter-sweet feeling to it at least they can be together in the afterlife.

Another pairing which I feel is very sad and touching is Akeginu and Koshirou's. It seemed to me that Koshirou liked Oboro all along, unknown to the feelings that Akeginu had for him all along. And this he only realised when he was breathing his last breath, killed by Kagerou, whom he thought was Akeginu kissing him. The sad part about this is he had to die in this way, the good part about it.... was that eventually, he did realise Akeginu's feelings for him and recipocated that. It was sad that Akeginu could never realise he died thinking about her.

Even the relationships between non-couples are very subtle and touching. When Okoi died just moments before her brother Saemon could reach her, and how he in disguise had to "communicate" with her just by tapping her hand with his fingers. It was emotionally-choking for me to watch that. I guess I'm a person who easily feels sad or easily feels too emotional and cries while watching shows, even reading books. Imagine your sibling whom you have lived all your life with, who cares for you, loves you... and yet you either had to witness her dying infront of you and yet show no emotion when that happens because you had to continue pretending. Or imagine you dying in such a way, that you know you're leaving this world, but yet you could not call out to your brother, cry nor hug him before your last goodbyes. What was worse is, Saemon could not even retrieve back the body of his sister. I know in this show everyone dies... so maybe no point in burying a dead person when everyone else just dies like that.

As for the good-looking guys in this anime, I think there were only a few in this show. XD (Not in order of preference) Gennosuke, Yashamaru, Koshirou, Tenzen (??? Hmm he is not bad if without his weird hairstyle with 2 curly parts and his sick way of reviving) and Hyouma. Out of all these, I think my fave would be Hyouma. I didn't like the naive-ness of Gennosuke, nor his young short-tempered character. Yashamaru seemed quite likeable by most girls, the witty and bad-boy type. I think Akeginu was in love with Koshirou for his great protective-ness over Oboro. Actually, after the part where Tenzen revived after getting poisoned by Kagerou, I was thinking they could be together! He is the only man where she does not have to worry about poisoning after they've had something sexual! =x

As for why my fave is Hyouma, even though he does not have any romantic pursuits in this story.... he just seemed so calm, intelligent and he had this "brooding silence aura"! Just erm, makes me want to get to know him better lol! XD *blush*

The roots of evil. The Divine Service.

2009-03-01T23:14:00.003+08:00

Its been almost a month since I've started to write in blogs again. (I've never kept-up with them, having only a few posts in an ENTIRE year!) XD I'm quite glad with the frequency at which I've been writing my thoughts and emotions. Since music is a very important part of my life, I think I'll devote some of my blog posts to music that I like. (or even other aspects, maybe games, animes or even the usual dose of life). Heh, even this blog is named after a song!! But I'll introduce more about this song titled "Deep Clear Eyes" on another post. This post is for a song named "Divine Service" on the PSP game titled "DJMAX". I'm a sucker for music games, and DJMAX is not an exception. There are many great songs on this game... which I hope I'll be able to introduce slowly one-by-one. But I would like to intro Divine Service first, it is the song which caught my attention and eye first in this game.

The video graphics of this song reminds me of vampire animes such as Trinity Blood and Vampire Knight. The young guy with dark colored hair and red eyes seem to be some kind of slayer. And there seems to be an order of killing someone at the beginning of the story. Sadly, it seems the couple in the story ended up having to kill one another. Or maybe I just got the whole damn story wrong! LOL! XD

After searching in youtube for this song, I've finally understood what the female voice is saying at the beginning of the song. Initially it sounded like French to me, but turned out to be German. (Hey thats really cool!). She says "KEIN ANSCHLUSS UNTER DIESER NUMMER..." and that is supposed to mean "This number is not given..." in English. I guess this song later progresses to a very emotional, complex climax at about 1:22 minutes, which is when the song starts getting difficult in the game.

Hope anyone else likes this song as much as I do! Enjoy the song~! :)

1st March

2009-03-01T22:54:00.002+08:00

First of all, I would like to wish my friends Weiling and ZR a very happy birthday today =) Although I'm not so sure what is the possibility of WL reading this blog post lol!

Today's a rather fun day, despite the heavy downpour of rain in the mid-afternoon. Went to Pet Safari at Vivocity and had a very pleasant, fun time seeing the staff there groom some dogs / cat. It was the first time I have ever seen a cat being groomed. The cat was very big in size though, it could almost be as big as a dog, but its fur were a very nice, thick coat of white. I'm sure it belongs to some rich people who could fed it til it was about garfield's size heheh! =p Then there were also toy poodles being groomed, brown-colored ones. The color and the fluffy fur on their heads really make them look like teddy-bear heads.

Other dog breeds which really tugs on my heart-strings are Golden Retrievers, Japanese Spitz, Pomeranian, Samoyed and Shiba Inu. (or at least, those are the breeds that I saw so far today) I think my fave has got to be the Japanese Spitz and Golden Retrievers. (Example of a Japanese Spitz is shown below.)

Hmm I really wonder when I would be able to afford one. A caucasian bought a Golden Retreiver puppy at the Pet Safari when I was there today. Think it was priced at a hefty $3k. Wow.... And other breeds of puppies were not cheap either. A Yorkland Terrier cost $2800+. Well, one good way of saving money AND saving animals' lives would be adopting pets from SPCA. A adopt dog, would only cost about $175 (for a male one) at SPCA for its medical expenses. In a way, it would be saving the dog's life too..... rather than it being put to sleep eventually, if it still doesn't find a home to go to. =( I think that is very sad. But of cos, most abandoned pets at the SPCA are not your cutesy, small, toy-ish looking dogs. Most of the time, they are big ones whom people just don't find that cute to rear anymore or their HDB flats are just not able to house them anymore. I think I would consider this notion for awhile more. Maybe even til after I've shifted home mid of this year to see if everyone in the family is really ok even if I adopt a pet from SPCA. Really wanna help these poor animals with no home.

goosebumps

2009-02-24T12:22:00.002+08:00

So it was yet another exhausting day at work yesterday, and I was brain-dead by about 8pm. Finally managed to stop working and leave the office. I walked to the bus-stop as usual to wait for my bus. There, I spotted a blind uncle, who was holding a walking stick (the type which the blind use) and standing at the bus-stop. He looked a little lost (or maybe it was all just my imagination), but being blind, I could immediately guess that he would want to know what was the bus service which just passed him. I looked around the bus-stop, nobody was helping him. He was all alone. I mustered some courage to approach him (I'm quite shy when approaching strangers haha! XD) and said in his ear above all the traffic noise "Uncle, what bus service are you waiting for?" It took him sometime to realise someone was asking him or approaching to help him. He said "77 or 106, 77 or 106." I turned my head to look at the electronic-board with all the bus services and bus arrival times. Quickly, I searched for 77 and 106, they were arriving in about 3 or 4 mins as reported on the board. For me, my bus was arriving in another 6 mins. I was relieved to see that his bus would be arriving earlier than mine, so that I could see him board the bus first, before I make my way home. But then again, I think if my bus were to arrive first, I felt obligated to wait til he boarded his bus, even though it may cost me another 20 mins in my precious "time-is-money-is-everything" working day.

I replied the uncle "I will let you know when your bus arrive ok?" He said "thank you ah" and plonked himself down onto the seat at the bus stop. Soon, bus service 77 arrived and i reached out to hold him by his right elbow. "Uncle, bus 77 is here already." He stood up hurridly, probably paiseh, and extended his walking stick. The bus stopped somewhere behind another SBS bus. Able young adults who just knocked off from work like myself are rushing to board it. I told the uncle that the bus was behind. He stopped walking. My guess was that he did not want to walk that far and I could understand why. I flagged for bus 77 to stop right infront of me, and pray that the bus driver could see why I was doing that. Fortunately he did, and he opened the bus door. I tried to help the uncle up to board the bus, the bus driver actually came out of his driver's seat to help the blind uncle up the bus, and he waved a sign of "thank you" to me. Of cos, the blind uncle himself too said "thank you" to me. I felt a rush of goosebumps and my face was flushing. I hope nobody was staring at me. Felt good and proud that I did something good for someone today, even if it was such a simple thing as being the eyes for a blind old uncle.

Note:
posted in "life" on imeem blog on feb 24, 2009 at 12:22pm
current mood: proud

Basilisk Opening Theme - Onmyouza - Koga ninpocho 陰陽座

2009-02-24T00:05:00.002+08:00

I've just caught the entire series of Basilisk anime over the weekend. Before I write a review of what I think about it, I'll talk about the Opening Theme of the anime first.

No matter which anime, the first thing and foremost thing which catches my most attention, would be the opening theme song. Maybe the music part is really important to me, or maybe it is just the thing which draws me into the mood of the story. I'm not very particular about song lyrics as long as I can "feel" the emotions from the way the singer expresses him/herself. Some songs may be very meaningful or beautiful lyrically, but if I just don't understand or can't relate to what it is trying to express, no matter how nice the lyrics are, I just would not get drawn to it. Which probably explains why I've been listening to Japanese songs since I was as young as 13, and get "scolded" from other family members disturbed with my constant "obsession" of listening to Japanese songs. (Japanese anime / manga were expensive to get, and CDs just started getting popular over cassette and video tapes. Internet was just starting to boom, there were no such thing as youtube, wikipedia for me to search for songs or things I would like to read up on. We only had the encyclopedia then, and that alone was like such a hugeeee amount of knowledge and information for me to learn and absorb.)

Oops, sorry I digressed into my "childhood" times. But anyways, just to sum it up, as long as the song is EMO enough, then I'll most probably enjoy it lol~! Basilisk's opening theme song is by this band named "Onmyouza". Usually I would get bored / irritated with the opening themes of animes, having to listen to them everytime I open another episode of the anime. Once I get bored, I would just drag the video cursor to skip the song.

For "Koga ninpocho", I have no idea was it the time I had to spend waiting for the anime to load online anyway, that made it so easy for me to listen to the song over and over again. So just a little earlier tonight, I searched in Youtube for this song, found out that this band is kinda like a Visual-Kei Jrock band (which brings back some of the jrocker blood in me). Somehow this song (especially the Live version) reminds me alot of XJapan's music. I really like the guitar riffs and especially the guitar solo, maybe because the guitars were Ibanez, which was why it sounded like XJapan? I found it really interesting that for once, there is actually a Jrock band which featured a female leading vocal^^. In my opinion, I think this adds a very very nice touch and twist to the usual guy-ish jrock opening theme which alot of animes features. A female voice just makes the song so much more "fluid" and portrays a more subtle impression, otherwise it might have given me the impression that this anime was all macho-action hack-and-slash type with a male voice. It does help that her singing voice is not the cutesy / ultra-sweet type either. I appreciate this singing voice of hers, although it made me imagine her to be much older (she looks around my age? o.o), but the way she sang it adds a very very womanly tone to the song. I wish to be in her shoes, but I guess it was just not meant to be for me. It was always my dream but I guess I shall not bore you with the hopes and dreams which I had but never got to fulfill. I liked her smoky-eyes too in the Live version video clip.

So here I'm linking 3 different versions of the song for your enjoyment^^ =x

1) Basilisk Anime Opening Theme

P.S. I love the flute part where the anime version was ending too! (Kinda fits the story well with a flute tune)

2) The MV version (gotta love the kimonos o.O lol!)

3) The Live version (Nice performance!)

Note:
posted in "anime" on imeem blog.

finally...

2009-02-20T17:45:00.001+08:00

I'm exhausted. It has been a hell of a week.... meetings non-stop, requests for data and statistics non-stop, lunch-less, Over-Time (OT) clocking, sleepless... and also having to put-up with hellish bitchy-ness dumb office politics for 5 straight days is really killing me. I often wonder when it would take away my life. I'm so glad that its finally Friday, TGIF! But of course, to get myself "ready" for the weekend and rants out of my system so that i'll be off to a fresh start, I'm here blogging all my frustrations and unhappiness away.

The week started off quite irritatingly, there was a temp / contract staff who was here since last Thursday to this Monday, to fill-in the position of another junior staff. Of cos I'm welcoming to anybody who can render any additional help to any of my department colleagues. But this one was.... >.<

Then came other disasters like having to work with this *beep* over the past few days for an urgent case. For someone in her position, it was her responsibility to come up with the case. But of cos, she has to rely on yours truly for the statistics and data. For someone she had to rely on, she was throwing too many last-minute "eh u have to do this for me, eh u have to calculate that for me". And not even a single "thanks" or "thank you" afterwhich. Such last-minute requirements in such a short time, I could have told her I need at least 3 days in advance for such information from me. I thought she was a really nice colleague in the office, until I had to work in this case with her. =\ Oh well, there are always good and bad happenings / events in the office. Some may turn out to be nasty, but end up being nice friends and vice versa. I'm just starting to really get to know the pple here...

Note:
posted in "work" on imeem blog on feb 20, 2009 at 17:45pm
current mood: irritated

audition sea is down!

2009-02-17T00:09:00.000+08:00

Here I was playing Audition halfway.... then I got dc-ed. I thought there was something wrong with my connection, so I double-clicked the Audition icon..... No response. "Ok", so I thought I'll restart my pc and try again. Still no response.... "Ok, guess I need to try shutdown." STILL no response for the 3rd time in a row. I tried to go ahead to Audition SEA forums. But I got a "Page Load Error" on that too. Guess Audition is down for tonight ^^; Maybe I'll try to pass that mission on DJ Max now instead =x lol! Always believed in the phrase "Once a gamer, always a gamer." XDSidenote: Kinda stumbled upon old pics of Audition days like yearssss ago. Earlier tonight, I was really lucky and managed to pull off a x9 perf combo! Ok I know that's not much.... I know pple who could do more than that. But it was kinda reminiscence that after so long, I was able to do a x9 again. I'm getting worse and worse at the game with passing time x_X Enjoy this nooby screenshot of mine!

Note:
Posted in "game" on imeem blog on feb 17, 2009 at 12:09am

Soup by Setsuna F Seiei (Say eh?)

2009-02-16T11:28:00.001+08:00

Well, this is the first time in a very long time that I've written on a blog. Since this site is about music, I thought I'll just do a post on music which I like... Afterall, I think I'll just die without music in my life. It is everything to me. And it helps me to express some emotions which I can't express in words. Best thing about it, it is theraputic to me... soothes me when I'm angry, cheers me when I'm sad. Or sometimes maybe even allows me to indulge in my sadness, to allow me to do what I need to do, feel what I need to feel, get over it, and start to feel happier^^. So, with my very first blog post on Imeem (omg) lol, I'll start talking about this song by "Setsuna F Seiei" (who would have thought a Gundam Meister can sing?! lol XD) Ok, I'll admit it...... I chanced upon this song while doing some "research" on the sexy male voice actor for Zero from Vampire Knight =x (Please don't blame me, when I say sexy, i meant the voice, not the person. Although I know many gals go ga-ga over the cute Japanese guy, especially when he kisses a dog on his interview clip over at Youtube lol).This guy doesn't have the best of singing voices (although he does damn good voice acting for Setsuna from Gundam, Zero from Vampire Knight, Yagami Light from DeathNote, Tamaki from Ouran High. Yes, its a very glorious list.) But something about this song attracts me greatly to it. I'm not sure if it is the fact that it is supposed to be sung by Setsuna, or its the tune of the song which appeals to me (I like songs with this type of beat). So, just sit back, relax and enjoy "Suupu~"!

Note:
posted in "music" on feb 16, 2009 at 11:28am
current mood: tired